Worrying about the future

I am in my first ever serious relationship. Assuming everything continues to go as well as it has been going, my boyfriend and I have discussed moving in together once I am finished with nursing school and have a job. Now there are pretty much set shifts nurses work and I had been wanting to do the 3-11 which works with my sleep schedule and allows me to get plenty of sleep. The trouble is my boyfriend’s hours are like 7 am to 5:30 pm. If I were to work the 3-11 I’d never see him. Same if I did an overnight shift because I’d be sleeping when he got back.

This means I would have to take either a 7 am-3 pm shift 5 days a week or a 7 am-7 pm shift 3 days a week. I am very concerned for this because it is not compatible with my sleep schedule, and historically when I have been most unstable, it’s when I have to wake up early regularly, like when I was in school as a kid. I don’t know what to do. Do I risk my mental health and well-being so I can see my boyfriend regularly? Or do I put my own well-being first and only get to visit with him probably on the weekend? :disappointed:

summary: I originally wanted to avoid working early shifts because they aren’t compatible with my sleep schedule and thus I end up chronically sleep deprived and very symptomatic. But now that I plan on living with my boyfriend eventually, if I take later shifts I will never get to visit with him because he works a typical day shift. I’m now having to choose between my mental health and getting to spend time with who I love and it’s stressing me out even though this won’t be for a year or so.

Put your well being first and work the shift that works best for you.

I hardly see my husband during the week, at all.

We make up for it on the weekends and our relationship is just fine.


That makes me feel a lot better, thank you. I guess it seems weird now because we spend so much time together that only being able to visit with him twice a week seems terrible to me.

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It seems terrible now,

But relationships mature and you don’t need the constant contact that you did in the beginning.

I think by the time you get to that point (after school and start working) you’ll be at a different stage in your relationship and be able to handle seeing each other less frequently and still be happy.

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I feel different. My goal with working was to always maximize time with my wife. I would do what you think is best, I’m not a morning person but I get up at 8 am to feed the baby

I would put your wellbeing first. If you become unstable with a different sleep schedule you dont want to not be able to work at all from becoming unstable.

It’s hard, especially if this is your first real relationship, but if it’s meant to be it will all workout.

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