Work and Life Situation

I remember posting here several years ago about my situation with work. I couldn’t stand the workforce, and basically had ideas of either becoming a cab driver or substitute teacher, because of how much I hated it. That was five or six years ago. Now, so many things have gone wrong that I don’t even know where to start. Also, five or six years ago, I could not read and was plagued by brain fog. Therefore, my opportunities were very minimal in what I could do for career. On top of this, the feeling associated with the fog was so bad that I was thinking of committing suicide - essentially, my mind felt like it was suffocating all the time. However, I found a personality theory called socionics that changed my life. At the time, because of problems with a friend, I took a year off of school. This gave me a year to spend time thinking of what I would do for career - using socionics. It’s difficult to explain how exactly, but, because of this theory, I spent hours studying popular science books, especially physics. I was also greatly inspired by Einstein, to the point of reading biographies on his life and even simple books like “Einstein for Dummies.” I got a lot from these books, and wanted to major in physics and philosophy - I was pursuing a philosophy degree and thought that I could use those courses by combining them in a physics and philosophy double major. During this year, as I was reading those books, my mind improved and so did my reading ability. This made the physics degree seem more feasible. However, I was very depressed at the time (because of the friend) and decided near the end of the year to take a summer course in intermediate microeconomics - as no physics courses were offered. The course went well. I wasn’t exactly an ace economist, but this got me thinking - with my problems gone, my interest in math and the sciences (even social sciences here) and the length of a physics degree, maybe I could pursue economics instead of physics. In fact, I remember reading “Freakonomics” and really enjoying it. That’s when everything started to go haywire. I could read perfectly well, but the suffocating fog came back to an extent - but my cognition was not affected, as I could still set records on Brain Age and beat almost any cognitive test! Nonetheless, my first grade came back in an introductory macroeconomics class - C-! Suffice it to say, I tried other courses in economics and they were a complete failure. Because of this, I thought I would try a degree in math instead; economics is based on math, I was always good at math, and had several university math courses under my belt that were almost all A’s! Once again, the same putrid results… At this point, I thought that maybe there was something wrong with the science program, so I concluded that I should stick with my original plan and do just straight philosophy - a program I had gotten A’s in. Also, during this time, my brain fog went away. Therefore, I took two courses. The results: two C’s! I could not believe it! After that, I became completely discouraged about my career and my life in academia. In fact, I am so depressed that I basically have no motivation to pursue any career! (Even cab driver!) I should also add that my grades were almost flawless before this happened. Throughout high school and in my degree before this I was getting basically straight A’s, and my marks on standardized tests were competitive with “good” schools as well - all of this being true even at times when I had that suffocating brain fog, and the fog was now gone when I was getting these low grades!

This is now my situation: because of that personality theory I mentioned I know exactly what I want in a person as well, but the career situation is so bad that they might not be obtainable - especially if I I can’t even handle being a cab driver or substitute teacher! Also, thankfully, the brain fog is gone, but it is replaced by stifling hallucinations, delusions, depression, and now a full-blown case of what seems like ADD! The combination of “ADD” and depression makes it very hard to work. I now have only one option: to start up some kind of business, maybe e-business. I even have some money I can use to start it up. However, I fear that online businesses are a very risky venture, and might not pay anything. Nonetheless, if given the opportunity, I can be very persistent, and maybe I could make $1000 to $4000 a month - enough to survive - especially if I can start up several e-businesses. On the other hand, if this doesn’t work out, I hope I can go on disability. My positive symptoms are quite bad, my depression is bad, and the “ADD” is severe. I just hope that it pays enough for me to get by.

In any event, I have several questions. First, how much can one make on disability? Does it cover other expenses? What about in Canada (for both questions)? Further, does anybody know if you can make money in e-business? (Do you know of anyone or have you heard of anyone being successful online?) Also, what could have been going on with my grades to have caused this? Could the university have known that I was mentally ill and therefore hurt my grades because of it? Could I potentially sue the school for causing this disaster - even if they didn’t know I was mentally ill?

Answers to ANY of these questions would help.


My kid sis is in school and pushing herself pretty damn hard. All before she’s been a very A top student. But the stress and panic has been killing her. She took on 4 hard classes and now she’s having crying jags, confusion, panic attacks, and some new problems that are causing me to fear for her basic physical health.

I’m the one who’s Sz, but she’s the one suffering. So as far as the grades, I do feel that depression is causing some negative symptom for you. How are your stress levels? I would say talk to someone about stress and panic and depression. You were pulling out of it. But you got thrown a loop and it’s hard to recover from a blow like this. But the only think I could suggest is talk to a professional. You might do well with some stress or depression management classes, you might need medication… but the soon you know the sooner you can get back on your feet.

As far as an e-biz… some are successful. I don’t know what city you live in, but most cities I’ve heard of in Canada and U.s. have a small business association and they do help and council with stuff like business start-up both on-line and “brick and mortar” stores. They can even get you in touch with bankers, investors and other resources.

Good luck with the business.

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