Wondering if I should cut it off w a friend

[Anna]

She was a really close friend during college and was the first one I came out to about my mental health issues. I chose her because she had been really open about her mental health issues and it inspired me and also because she was such a non judgemental and supportive person. At first she was so great and there for me and then one day it was like…she just didn’t want anything to do with me anymore. And granted, she did and still does have a lot going on in her life at all times but she would keep in touch with other friends in our group and not me.

She really has caused me a lot of pain. She’s the first person I ever really had hope that I could be fully honest and myself with, that I felt like I didn’t have to hide around. And she vanished on me. On occasion I try to keep in contact like through sending funny little messages or pics or even just asking how she’s doing or whatever but she never responds. Whenever I’d see her in person, because we’d be doing group hangouts, she’d say I was one of the best friends I ever had and one of the most important people to her and she never wanted to lose touch with me even when I moved/we got out of college. But she’s made no effort at all and to me actions speak louder than words.

I can’t really take the whole one sided friendship thing anymore. Also it makes me feel like I’m being crazy, or self-centered or dramatic, and then I feel bad about myself. However since we never talk anymore it feels very weird to out of the blue be like I don’t think we can be friends anymore, you know? But at the same time if I cut things off I really want to do it fully, no social media anything, etc. It just hurts. Like she was the one who made me lose the hope I had gained that I could actually connect with other people on a meaningful level. I am very resentful for that. Am I in the wrong here? Am I being crazy?

Summary: very close friend, first I opened up to about mental health issues, no longer puts any effort into friendship at all and it’s very painful for me, regardless if it is intentional or not, wondering if I should cut it off

[anon20742722]

Dude I feel u. I told my friend I’m bipolar- it’s easier to understand and less of a stigma in my opinion, and she’s fine about it but texts me rude ■■■■ like when I was psychotic and how if people knew it’d ruin my life and all this ■■■■ idk it’s rude and she’s a low life bitch… but she just had a kid and stuff and I’m not into that it’s just irresponsible at our age and she so dumb she smoked weed and took Xanax recreationally while pregnant so whatever bottom line I’m in the same boat as u like it sucks but I think it might be time to let them go. There’s just no point

[Moonbeam]

From what you’ve written, it sounds like your friend has already cut the friendship off. It’s too bad that your friend caused you a lot of pain, but maybe just move on at this point, rather than dwelling on it.

[Anna]

Thanks. This thread has been helpful to me, not just replied but actually putting in words what I’ve been feeling for the first time as well. I decided to basically hide her on everything for a while. I’m finding it hard to delete right now.

[anon41720500]

Sad to hear about this, Anna.

I almost posted about a similar scenario several days ago. The person in my life cut me off when my mental illness was at its worst. I saw him at an ice cream stand about two weeks ago and I stared at him for about thirty seconds. He got back in his car and drove away without any ice cream. He’s a coward. It sounds like this person might be cutting you off because of similar reasons?

Best to move on, I think.

However, the problem is that when you care about someone intensely, and they do not reciprocate, it really doesn’t matter what you do to cut them off.

After my friend cut me off, I continued to care and, absurdly, I still care to this day. It’s better that I’m not friends with him on FB/etc, but when your friends are minimal, even if you cut off the bad branches, you tend to dwell on it for years or decades to come.

Start the process now rather than later, I’d say (in my humble opinion). It will hurt, but you need to find people that care about you, not people like that.

Clearly, my old friend never cared. I consider him an old frenemy.

The frenemies are the worst, precisely because they acted kindly towards you, sending mixed signals.

Whether or not your situation mirrors mine to the exact same degree is questionable. This guy didn’t like me from day one and treated me like an amusement; an oddity that he found peculiar to pick at and degrade. When I finally stood up for myself, he ran. The idea of investing any kind of emotional stock in me was horrifying to him.

Maybe confront this person with your feelings?

Whatever you decide, good luck with your emotions towards this person!

[Anna]

Only issue is I feel awkward about deleting on everything because I feel like it causes drama and is a big statement nowadays. I intend on going back to my old state someday to go visit all my old friends and likely if we do a group get together she’ll be there and I don’t want it to be awkward

This is the first time I’ve ever had someone I cared about just cut me out so it’s a new and painful experience for me. I’ve done it to a few people before however who did not deserve it so it is definitely karma.

[ThePickinSkunk]

My best friend drained my bank account. I kicked his azz to the curb. I don’t need people like that and neither do you. These folks suck because their shitty and they know it.

[Pikasaur]

I’ve cleaned people off of my facebook friendslist and such.
When asked about it, I plan to simply reply “Facebook is for people I keep in touch with, and we don’t seem to do that”.
But most of them haven’t even noticed.