I was buying shoes yesterday. I keep my short hair tucked up underneath a hat at almost all times, and I’m always wearing baggy sweats. Still, I have a pretty clear boobs-shape holding up the fabric of my sweater in the front, and my face is at least a little feminine even without makeup, because I’ve got that baby face crap going on, little pointed nose and small mouth and all.
The woman working in the store acted like she had mistaken me for a man, when she directed me to the men’s shoes isle. I’m often aloof and very distracted in public, so I didn’t even say or anything until I said thanks. When she heard my voice, she acted flustered and explained she thought I was a man because she couldn’t see my hair. She said she was looking at the “main picture” and gestured to my body.
I suck at reading people, so I really couldn’t tell if she was trying to be offensive, or if she really thought I was a 5’3" man with boobs under my sweater. I think I subconsciously aim to be an “it” so luckily it didn’t hurt my feelings.
But because my brain is weird, it got me to thinking, that maybe men are like negative symptoms, and women are like positive symptoms. Without certain things, you’re a man. You’ve got to have certain things like obvious tits or long hair to be a woman. Obviously just as a cultural perception thing, not literally. Just a funky parallel my mind drew while I was picking out shoes.
It could even be like the body language, as well. I’m extremely reserved and somewhat rigid in the way I carry myself, as opposed to gracefully swaying around in sync with my curves, so maybe it’s yet another thing where the absence of things means male, and only with the addition of certain things not otherwise there, means female.
Nah it’s not an issue. I admit I was a little flustered myself when she was explaining to the half the shoe store why she thought I was a man, and she seemed upset. I didn’t know what to say. “Surprise”? So that was kind of irritating. This isn’t really meant to be about the incident itself, but just something I was pondering because of the incident, about male vs female in a psychological/social sense. I’ve felt like an “it” my whole life, so it’s something that intrigues me.
And yes I now have actual shoes as opposed to 600 nuts.
It took me a long time to get used to the idea that all drivers aren’t male. Just a flaw in my own thinking which was probably like the clerk’s idea of you. Don’t take it to heart. One pdoc told me the sexes are getting more alike all the time anyway.
I can’t speak for the rest of society, but women who parade their femininity like a mannequin on display are almost completely invisible to me. The mask of makeup and the cloud of perfume … the undignified self-sexualisation… yeah sorry, that’s not being a woman, that’s being a sheep.
I think short hair really allows one’s face to shine and ultimately, that ought to be where we look to discern one’s gender, ought it not??
Your crackpot theory is an interesting one though!
I have no idea. I don’t see anything wrong with women who like makeup and fashion. I just see it as a form of art that some people like, but it seems like women are more socially accepted with it, if they like it.
But I do really like trying to put the world into theories to help me understand and organize it, so the whole male-negative / female-positive thing my brain started rolling with in the sneakers isle kind of jived with me.
I think it’s because I was sexually abused as a kid. Not trying to be awkward here, just honest. I think I basically rejected being female completely.
However on a good note I did a lot of healing work in therapy in my early-mid 20s so now that leaves me with a more or less blank slate, so I’m kind of exploring the concepts of male vs female, it’s interesting.
It makes sense to me. One is certainly more likely to assume they’ve seen a male if they are uncertain. Maybe pack a wad of stockings in your underwear next time you go out and challenge the theory for the LOLs
Edit: hang on… what I wrote makes no sense. You’re better at that than me
But in my contemplation of male vs female and my observations of how people have responded to me, it seems like female is a positive (as in something instead of nothing, not as in good vs bad) expression, something you add to yourself. Whereas male is the absence of such things. But I also wonder how much of that is cultural suppression of male’s expressing themselves?
I’m glad you’re comfortable enough with yourself that this mistake didn’t bother you, but the woman who made this mistake sounds really creepy. Her profuse apology only made the situation worse.
Yeah that may have been what launched my mind into theory-crafting mode, maybe as a distraction mechanism, now that I think about it. I had no idea how to “resolve” the situation. I just walked away.
I just take advantage of my resting-bitch-face to avoid social interactions. If that isn’t enough, I add crazy-eyes. I am very rarely approached, even by shopkeepers. You should try it
My brain didn’t really see it as should vs shouldn’t, but just that it seems that female is identified by the presence of certain things, and without those things, the default presentation is male.