The depression is so BAD.
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Omg this is awesome.
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Skipped meds 2 days, got pasychotic today but felt really good before. Took 100mg Seroquel and slept and slept and just woke up at 11pm. Still not gonna take meds again, I felt so much better, and it seems on meds and off meds I cannot persist in any hard work. Avolition is at tve core right now, I will see if it gets better. so I feel bad right now, even suicidal, but what else is new?
Its quite alright. Thank you for your sympathy.
I haven’t had any medication, in a while. Its coming in tomorrow, though. I’m having a hell of a time, waiting till then.
Also, my apologies to everyone who has to put up with me on here. Seems all I come here to do is vent, rant, and complain, these days.
Its been tough…
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So bored. Tomorrow I have a date with 2 friends. Maybe I will go out and buy a new outfit? Or should I just sleep? My best friend got a part time job bagging groceries at the supermarket. Maybe I will go update my music later too.
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so basically I go to sleep, wake up and it’s like I never said nothing. this is my routine everyday. all I have to do is survive my wake cycle get some rest, and all the ■■■■ from the past just goes away upon me waking.
this is what really ■■■■■■ with me during my last psychotic break, my sleep got interrupted and I could no longer refresh myself. my ■■■■ just kept piling on and I got my ass kicked for a couple months.
anyways, thanks for the communion everybody. I’m going to wake up tomorrow and do something else for awhile. peace
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Had a long talk with my friend last night, got some stuff out in the open.
Amongst other things, my weight and my lack of effort to do something about it really worries him.
He’s worried that I’ll die before he does, and/or get weight-related diseases like diabetes, aneurisms/clots, heart problems, etc. He also feels frustrated that I don’t really seem to be bothered to so something about it, when it’s so easily avoidable.
We’ve had this talk before, and we’ll probably have it again. It makes me angry with myself that I don’t just get it together and redo my priorities.
We also talked about my personal hygiene and grooming. Let’s face it, I’m not good at it. I shower maybe twice a week, I don’t wear makeup, and I have hair everywhere.
It hurts to hear those things, but they needed to be said and I’m glad he did.
I just wish I could find some damn motivation to change those things. I want to show him that I want to.
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Is this coming from the same friend who only talks to you when his girlfriend isn’t entertaining him?
I’ve seen your pictures, you’re not in the danger zone weight wise. You’re really beautiful.
It’s common for people with sz to struggle with motivation to shower. A friend would take that on board and be more understanding.
Berru, you’re a cool chick. Take no guff. You’re unique and you’re shape, you’re hair, etc, make you, you.
Fwiw, bird’s nest hair rocks. It’s what I aim for everyday.
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I just want someone to take care of me for awhile. Is that too much to ask?
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I think I am old enough to say that if I am consistently feeling bad around certain people then I should not be around them.
That’s life.
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Who cut the Wi-Fi 
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Woo, ■■■■. I’m on a rollercoaster today. I’m really down right now. I just crawled under my desk at work and cried since I have a private office and can afford to do that. I don’t want to go to class later. I can barely handle even sitting at work right now. I want to leave already but my aunt can’t get here until the 31st, and I feel chained to my classes, like I have to go and keep up appearances as normal.
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I can feel my blood pressure is not right. I have a head ache and my heart feels like it’s puffy.
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I’m so tired and hungry. Cannot wait for naptime.
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still not taking meds, its weird, i feel much happier in the sense of anhedonia having lifted, but still find it impossible to focus and study. if i just had no responsiblities i would lead a simple and happy life. thank god my parents aren’t forcing me to get a job and be normal. my life is better. some people wouldn’t consider it a full life, but compared to being anhedonic i am on cloud nine. if i can just get my amotivation symptoms back in check then i can start pursuing the things im interested in doing.
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Thanks, buddy! I’m skipping class today. I just can’t handle 3 hours of focusing right now.
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Is it anxiety!?
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No. It is likely from something else. I just woke up, went to my computer, and felt like this as soon as I sat down. The last time I was at the pdoc I got my vitals taken and they said my blood pressure was also high. It could be from the food I am eating however. Lots of iron and lots of red meat. Also second hand smoke might be making that worse.