ok, its schizophrenia haha (idk why i am laughing)
so what do we know?
time for some brainstorming
schizophrenia is a sauce you put on top of spaghetti…
take care 
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sz is a mind running on empty.
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carbonara sauce lol (hate that sauce)
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My symptoms get worse if I don’t excersise. And I hallucinate more at night.
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For me, this is a question that has plagued me since I got sick. Ah, life on disability, what to say? some on this board carry jobs and have wonderful full lives. I wish I knew how to do that, they say just buckle down and carry on…doesn’t work with me. I guess just get a hobby or hobbies and try to keep busy.
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You have to just learn to detach, slowly but surely, from all the worldly things. This world wasn’t setup to be eternal. Everything here is finite, everything here has a beginning & an end. The next world is unlike that.
We have to slowly move away from the finite matrix & fully enter the infinite matrix. Some people, like us, will probably transition extremely well because we have already endured some, if not all, of the hardest possible things a singular consciousness can face.
I don’t know if I will ever have a mind again, but that’s okay. All I really need is intellect. If someone else wants to play the role of scientist or entertainer, let them have it. I don’t want to compete for such positions in reality anymore.
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you know when you are young and you are totally grounded, (hopefully), secure school, friends, family and mind, the foundations have been set inside of you to become a great person but then something happens,
there is a storm and then subsidence or an earthquake and the concrete is compromised and your grounding is not as secure anymore, thats sz for me, it destroys self and it starts at the top and works its way down and we need something to underpin our foundations (meds) to help stabilise the structure because everything we have built up is not compromised
i want to start building a beautiful structure and interior design it the best way i can (inside my mind) my foundations are pretty sound just now so its a case of brick by brick, tile by tile then i’ll be set, i think the first thing you need after you make it water tight is a toilet to get rid of all the ■■■■ from inside your dwelling (mind) and some bins
another thing is you can open up your house to anybody you want they will come and go as guests but if you want someone to stay for good (like i do) then you can get a room mate and my room mate is the spirit, the spirit is the strongest element in the universe according to me, it gives my own spirit the strength to succeed and do things and it is with me
my little piece
SZ.
It’s what you appear to the Dr as when all you see is yourself.
schizophrenia is god given and man managed
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Schizophrenia puts you in the position of:
The more help you need, the less you get. The less help you need, the more you get.
i’d say it was the work of this guy-
he is a fallen Angel that thought he was better than God.
On an experiential level, SZ and psychosis specifically is a breakdown of perceived meaning. In psychosis, we perceive the world differently. Objects in it take on different meanings than they used to. This, at times, can even put pressure on the very notion of an ‘object’ itself:
Sometimes, it is just a loss of perceived meaning altogether, where an object is perceived in terms of bare shapes and colors - if pushed to the extreme, the loss of perceived meaning that unifies these shapes and colors into a single object may even result in us perceiving mere unconnected fragments. Such that we will have to assembly these fragments by will into the coherent object that once appeared so immediate to us. Such that the perception of a car as a car has to be assemblied reflectively out of the experience of wheels, doors, windows and the like. Such is only possible if some sense of ordinary meaning is retained, if we are able to perceive at least these parts as parts of a car. If such aren’t recognized as meaningfully belonging into the whole, and are perceived as bare shapes and sizes as well, all that is left is a confused fragmentary experience with no foothold or principle of organization for these percepts to be assemblied. This is how some sz’s are faced with the task of creating the experiential world - that world that once seemed to be just there, compiled out of ‘given’ objects like cars and trees and houses - from scratch on a daily basis. A task no ordinary person ever has to perform, for the ordinary person lives always already in a meaningful world that is organized and assemblied accordingly. To me this seems to be how SZ differs in kind, not just degree, from many concerns people may have. For it is the world and its structure itself that is at stake, not so much objects in it.
It is true that not every SZ has to face said task, not every SZ has this radically fragmentary experience of the world. For many of us, while there may be some breakdown of ordinary percieved meaning of the world, we curiously seem to be able to establish alternative meaning on our own. Such that a sign on the road does not merely stop meaning what it ordinarily does, and breaks down into shapes and colors, but takes on a quite different meaning altogether, such as being an indicator we are about to die, or some other, usually self-referential meaning. Where does this come from? Whereas many ordinary meanings of objects we encounter in the world are derived from shared ways of going about, like the sign on the road gets its meaning from the rules of traffic, we SZ’s seem to have lost touch with those in psychoses. Cut off from these socially established ways of meaningfully organizing the world, we may very well be thrown back to our own private concerns, fears, desires maybe. If it is merely self-referential meaning that is experienced in psychosis, these private concerns etc. may very well form the basis of this new, idiosyncratic way of meaningfully organizing experience.
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When I was told I had schizophrenia, it took a while to recover from the blow to my self esteem and self worth.
I have turned it into motivation, enhanced striving.
I see the opportunity I have because of the illness. It’s priceless insight on one hand, and my mind is sharp. On the other hand, it’s incredibly painful and just going to sleep and getting out of bed are the hardest things I have ever done. Let that sink in. I have always been seeking challenges and thrills and have been successful, yet a day with this illness is harder than anything I have ever done.
I’ve done things that were simply unbelievable. For example, I showed my shrink a video of my personal record on a powerlift and he immediately ordered a blood test because it looked as if I was on steroids. I came up as clean and better yet with lower testosterone, a t count of 490 when steroids is 2200. And I tested as having high levels of all my meds in my blood.
I also did other extreme athletic things.
That’s all softball soft core for kids, friggin peewee t-ball compared to schizophrenia.
Schizophrenia is not simple.
I just do what I am supposed to do when I am supposed to do it and everything comes out alright in the end.
I have my life on the line, that’s all I need for motivation. If I don’t perform, it’s game over. I don’t have a safety net. I’m too highly functioning to have a chance at claiming disability. I have produced work in academia that is evident of me being not only competent yet competitive. There is no way out for me.
I also see how many of us don’t have my capacity and/or motivation and I ask myself who else is going to do my job.