I am here, with all my sensations and thoughts, scared from the others, scared also from non-existent things, Maybe i feel unloved, i feel dumb now, doomed to always be ill, thats the main thing i think…
Can my med work one day, friends? Maybe its not working still, cause ive started to be treated very late in my illness.
Will i be able to start living normally without feeling as a weirdo, without the paranoia from the others? Ive tried all the aps, really, my friends… One doc even told me, that ive tried too many… They just dont help my paranoia yet. My zyprexa works but not enough to have a life without a burden…
My current pdoc didnt offer anything else the last time i saw him… He sees that the meds dont help me much.
But were you burdened at home before even though that you were taking meds? Did you end up by recovering even in your surprise? I think, that things like my paranoia just are stopping me… Its even physical so its hard… I fight here, but i wonder who here recovered without even expecting it from a previous despair about your own future?
For the rest, i try to fight. The somatics are a speacial thing also, they cant be helped much by meds, i work on them with positivity. My doc says, the somatics are the manfiestation of a psychological problem. But yeah, i wonder if its paranoia when you think, that you will never be at the level of the others, scared to face them in the outside world by thinking, that your sz is visible… I wonder if those kind of thinking is demons too? lol…
I guess when you are fine you feel awesome and invincible isnt it? I wonder if my paranoia is my biggest problem…
Hugs to all
Yes they say that to me too, even when i had a seizure. Hugs to you.
My doc thinks, that I dont act a lot, because of my paranoia… but maybe my despair about the future is a negative? Idk about this in fact…
Do you believe my previous doc, who said, that my meds can work in years? Maybe I am not well, cause I was treated late? I just wish that I feel well already… I see my girlfriends on whom the meds work in months lol…
Oh yeap… tbh, I still feel my somatics as a medical problem, but maybe that’s my problem… that I feel myself as a sick person… I wonder if all my sensations and fears are psychological too?
Sensations and fears are all psychological 
but I know what you mean.
Am I sick physiological or not?
Yeah, i can’t tell of course. Hope you are not, of course.
My seizure was not an imagination. I was gone for several minutes. But the doctors says it’s part of my MI:
I wonder if I was rejecting the suffering before… but I think sometimes I suffer way too much. I also dont know what is to feel just ok… I wonder if the meds can do this?
But it was strange that my pdoc didnt offer more meds the last time, regarding that I still have no life… I am tired of wondering if i am a good or a bad person, while apparently they say i am crazy lol… am i scared of living? I ignore it… i just wonder if what is to feel ok. The szs often dont know it?
So also, about the fact that my meds can help me, but in years? Does it sound as a lie? 
@bluebutterfly , oh yeah, my physical pains are real too…me too I have problems believing it’s only psychological lol… I hope you wont repeat your seizure though lol 
There are things you can do to suffer less. Yes, it’s difficult when your mind is a mess. First step is find the right medication. Sounds like you haven’t found that yet.
Second step is exercise, diet, and paying attention to your emotional hygiene. We have to learn how to have some control over our negative thoughts, fears, desires, obsessions, whatever is cluttering our mind.
Being in a positive and wholesome environment is important. Nature is beautiful and can induce positive states of mind.
Take a holistic approach to your wellbeing.
Best wishes.
Why would I want to feel normal?
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