But today I was triggered by seeing a picture to have desire again, to kill small furry animals like mice.
Like I fantasize about buying a mouse trap and putting it in field next door and trapping mice to kill them.
■■■■, this is not me, this is Alien the evil spirit using me.
I’m scared - will this playing with my mind to kill mice make me eventually kill people? Do people that want to hurt small animals become murderers? Alien wants me to kill mice and I’m starting to think about it, but I’m terrified he will make me do worse.
Why do I have this in my head? How do I get rid of Alien? I tried bleeding him out but he’s stuck between my skull and brain, not in my arms. I can’t drill a hole through my skull otherwise I’d kill myself which I wouldn’t want to do. I have my husband to live for, and my books and bird. I’m not suicidal and I don’t plan to kill anyone but the mice is starting to be an idea.
I hope I won’t become a murderer, because I’ve read in crime books that a lot of murderers start out with killing animals when they are younger and I was a little cruel to some small animals when I was a child.
You sound like you’re in crisis and should be reaching out to a treatment provider or crisis team right away. Very sorry you’re feeling this way, but your insight is obviously close to going and no one but real professionals can help right now. Please go see them immediately.
Ive heard this too, and met some people who were affected by this. The theory is that when a parent physically harms their child, the child tries to make sense of why it happened. If it makes sense, OK. But if they were attacked for no reason, then it doesn’t make sense. That child will try to make sense of it by experimenting, enacting violence on animals. They repeat their trauma, basically.
However, The people I knew who harmed animals did not become murderers. I think you will be OK. x
I’ve had very similar delusions before and honestly if I was you I’d call my doctor and get some help and another thing your not a killer it’s your brain playing tricks on you
