Why is socialising so hard?

Gt granddaughter is 1 today. She’s having a party tomorrow. I’m going but am dreading it. The whole socialising thing outside of immediate family/stepfamily is so damn hard . Initiating conversations a no no, body posture - am I looking gone out/like a freak? , sitting their in awkward silence while the conversation flows around me .

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I’m very familiar with that scenario.

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Because you have schiz. That’s why it is so hard.

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I usually just sit without saying much of anything when i’m around my extended family. I think they’ve just gotten used to me being that way.

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Hey, I am not socially attractive when I “just do what feels natural”.

Rather than overthinking etiquette and ending up confused, try and model your behavior off of someone who does okay.

Focus on the details of everything they do, even the imperfect mistakes.

And then just be them for 3-4 hours.

If it tires you out, find a quiet spot to rest and regroup. Then go back to acting.

Figure out the response you seem to be getting, just make it through the event.

Try to rid yourself of self defeating thoughts.

Stop catastrophizing the moment you begin to think that way.

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It’s hard.

A trick I found is to tell myself in social situations is that whatever I say to people, it’s usually better than nothing.

you may have more social in you then you know you may shock your self. most people are friendly if you are open and not closed minded.

Have you ever had social situations where you have been normal? I’ve had a few, like this time at a funeral and there was a lot of old friends there. I am lost for words a lot these days but I can remember a few social gatherings where I just had something to say.

I’m like that aswell at social gatherings. Cant really come up with something good to say. I just sit quiet.

.People talk about having topics to talk about before social gatherings . Most of the topics I’d want to talk about ,such as mental health and politics , are conversational non starters. Also how and when do you go up to someone and start engaging in conversation? Then there’s the whole thing of processing your responses in real time which probably equates to being spontaneous .

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People will love you if you do more listening and less talking!

Make eye contact and smile politely showing teeth.

Roll with the punches. Mix up acknowledgements that you have heard and are listening.

Nod, verbally agree, take on a body posture which is at ease.

Allow people to use you as a sounding board for their thoughts and opinions.

Become small yourself.

Allow THEIR ego to shine.

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When approaching a person nonverbally or verbally signal by a small wave or greeting.

Simple and spontaneous (even if planned out to some extent)

“Hi!..Howdy!..How do you do!”

Approach in a slow and controlled way.

Maintain good body posture.

Make small talk all day, small talk is the essence of socializing, it is like a verbal space bubble.

Don’t invade someone’s physical space (be just close enough to be heard, no closer).

Say only things which make people feel light and happy and free, avoid serious or controversial topics.

With family, you will want to talj only about family, and only those relatives you both know.

A nice trick to win family over is to lead with “…remember that time when…(past positive bonding experience)”.

Speak emotionally rather than logically.

Always focus on happy nice emotions and events to the exclusion of unpleasant realities which might be on your mind at any time.

Be part of the party, not the life of it.

Never be “that guy”.

Blend in, fit in, passively exist as a part of the group.

The party is about the party, not about any one individual.

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See, thing is, rather than stressing over committing any faux pas, rather, try and avoid becoming the center of attention.

You are not going to sway something in any particular direction, dress appropriately and well (but not in an attention seeking way) and allow yourself to be like a nice potted plant.

Be a part of the feng shui, is what I’m getting at.

Social behavior 101
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I’m in the same situation.

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People seem to talk to me when they drink a lot. I don’t know what that says about me or them. Most of it is nonsense. I guess I am a ‘good listener’ as I don’t say much

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Some people may think they are socially disabled when in reality it’s just a matter of practice, every person that doesn’t socialize will end up like that, everyone has to train their social skills in order to be in a good ‘social shape’ you just have to learn it again, clean your mind from negative thoughts, try to stay focused on the right things, always relaxed, always positive, start with that and you’ll go improving.

That said, when I was on AP it resulted more difficult to socialize for the numbing and sedating effect it had, now that I quit it (pdoc order) it’s easier to socialize.

Went. Spoke very little. Almost all to my two granddaughters. The others there didn’t try to engage me in conversation.

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I can socialize, I just prefer not to as it is not an efficient use of time that can be enjoyed doing something else.

If I try to be social I fail. But if I don’t make such a big number of it and I stop trying it comes naturally.