Schizophrenia.com

Why I'm not into casual Sex (TRIGGER WARNING SEXUAL)

Lounge
#1

So I’m on dating sites, changing what I’m looking for from time to time.

And I’ve come to realise that I am not into casual sex.

Because physicalities seem to be the focus and sex happens on date 1 when you don’t really have had the time to gain trust from the other person yet.

So even if they say they are respectful. Aren’t actions more powerful than words.

And so since I’m no model I find it off putting for that reason.

Like I said to this guy that I haven’t had sex in a while and he was like 'you must be tight :heart_eyes:. ’

That really put me off for some reason?

Anyways it’s good to explore what I want and don’t want in a safe way, like this.

Thanks for reading.

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#2

I told him at the end of our first conversation that I’ve realised that I feel bad about casual sex, that I’ve changed my mind, and he immediately blocked me.

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#3

At first I thought casual sex could be fun. But now I see different.

Also I started to get paranoid about the fact that I’m having sex with someone that I hardly know if I went through with it.

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#4

Well, I guess that shows what his priorities were. Good for you for standing up for what you believe in.

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#5

Yea I’ve learnt to trust my gut more from past experiences where I’ve ignored it.

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#6

BTW my vagina is totally OK. But it’s just his expression for love of tight vaginas with the heart eye emoji was off putting. Would anyone have found that off putting too?

It is just not something that I think needs to be said out loud.

I mean it can, and it is.

But I’d rather not hear it.

Vaginas can change

What if one day my vagina is ‘loose’

Will he stop using heart eyed emojis all of a sudden for my vagina

It just feels wrong to me

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#7

Sometimes I just feel like giving up with sex. It just complicates things for me.

I worry about further stretching the inner labia from sex and then serious irritation in my underwear.

I also worry about all of the chemicals going in my body even from ‘safe’ lubricants.

So idk if sex is for me.

If it is worth it.

I have kind of decided I’ll give sex a chance for like roughly 3 years and after that I’ll forget about sex.

It is my rough plan.

#8

that guy was a real jerk…there are nice guys out there…I would never discuss sex with someone I just met…there’s plenty of time for that…

the best thing about online dating is that you can weed out the losers…and there’s lots of them but there’s good guys out there…I’m proof.

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#9

Men like that are gross. It’s really best to wait for someone who loves you. I wish I never dated most the men I dated. I don’t think one man I was ever involved with, would care if I lived or died. I wish now, I would have found someone who did.

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#10

You are right, what an idiot. That is really disrespectful and weird. Don’t doubt yourself if something feels not okay.

I used to be really “accepting” with all sorts of boundary-crossing behaviour. And now i am not. I also stopped having casual sex. It doesn’t feel good, safe and natural to have sex with a random stranger. I always felt…almost obliged to have sex quickly into dating. My new strategy - time and listening to what i want - gets rid of certain types real fast. Which is a good thing.

But that is me. It is really your choice. Maybe take a little time to feel what you really want?

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#11

I like your thinking Marian. Give it time and certain types will naturally disappear

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#12

Thanks. It works for me. Both time and genuine boundaries chase away the bad types.

It also protects me from myself. I know i can easily lust after a guy on a first date for all the wrong reasons. When i take my time i can decide based on who he really is. The type of guy i feel immediate lust and butterflies for, is rarely the kind and trustworthy guy i want to end up with. The deeper feelings develop more slowly, based on his real character.

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#13

If they start moving the conversation to sex before having even met , that’s a huge red flag. I spoke to my partner for 2 months before even meeting him and sex wasn’t even part of the convo for a long time (months). But I think I might be asexual idk

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#14

I mean because it is lockdown until like June I would be ok with sex coming up a tiny bit but this was just too much lol!!

seriouslai

It is totally cool to be asexual, and it is great that he knows about that too, if you may or may not be. Because sex is like a necessity to some guys. which is fine, btw

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#15

Thanks for the share. You’ve been through a lot lately… At least you’re desirable in your profiles on these sites. Try to pocket some of the good for now and catch your breath if you can!

And take your time.

Also don’t you ladies and fellas across the pond go for walks for date number 1? (I saw that mentioned at least twice on here and thought it was a better approach than what occurs in the states.)

Personal note and share from me is I need to load up on experiences; instead of gathering (hoarding) things to decorate my cave with shiny things to attract a partner.

It’s a cave man instinct and it didn’t work out for me.

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#16

Worried the IRA and the Americans want to make me a homosexual as a straight man can’t be seen to insult them, I think they have told all their peers that I am gay so they won’t kill me, they can’t be seen to not deal with a straight man, I think that’s why they anally rape me so I’m get to like it and become a homosexual but I’m not gay, you can’t mind control that, I have the odd wank. I am just disinterested in sex it’s not that I’m gay either I get waves of being horny

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#17

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