Why I never had a partner, who cared about me?

Why all men ended up by running away from me? I never had someone who was willing even to help me to recover. I’ve fought alone for the most of my life, I don’t understand why???
I have ill girlfriends and most of them had some shoulder to lay on at their worst. Some people who were saying to them encouraging words, idk…
Why I have the impression, that I was alone 40 years all my life while I was a human too? Is my sz impression now?
My best friend seemed to have said in my back, that “the men doesn’t like me, cause I am not pretty”…
Ok, if it’s true and I was mostly looking at my feet around the guys, is this the reason to have been alone all my life? Why so much lonely? Or it’s what happens in sz? Idk…
I am not clear minded now, but I dont understand why I am so alone…

Well I have a boyfriend and I think he’s the devil sometimes. So sometimes I wish I never met him as he makes me paranoid. So maybe consider yourself lucky? I know you probably won’t but it’s the truth in my situation. It really feels like a curse sort of.

Ouch, ok, i see…I am sorry, try to stay positive though :slight_smile:
I think, that i am paranoid form the men just right now too…
Well, maybe i wasnt paying attention to the men who liked me, but to those who didnt… Idk…
Maybe i have to recover a bit more first. But idk… so many years of loneliness.
Maybe i start to feel my meds lately… One pdoc was saying to me, that we dont even feel them at our worst…
I really closed the door for everyone 15 years ago, but yeah, ive spent these years alone, doing nothing i guess…

You’re not alone. Most people on this site are in the exact same situation.

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Yeah, but not a single man since 40 years, it’s strange… the best of them just left me quite quickly… maybe I really suck? Or I’ll have to show now something else, cause my physic got quite bad…
I was trying to have some love stories, but no one didnt want to stay next to me for a little longer, to help me in my tragedy :pensive:
All my irl girlfriends had men even at their worst. Idk how they do it tbh… my sz is unpleasant I think… I was so screwed up physically and mentally, that I guess I was having a horrendous body and face, my sz was affecting even my body yeap… maybe it was too much for some…

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Is it because of this, @everhopeful ? Cause I was sz but also looking very bad physically? The grief, the anger and the hate and the self destruction destroyed my body… I lived as suicidal and not other thought almost for 15 years… this marks, this marked me. Many sz are not marked like that, but my pain was special :smirk:
Maybe this was too much for everyone idk… anyway. I guess the body shape is reversible. Only if I feel better in my head too also… I really think that I was rejected cause I looked bad. It’s very sad this. I was in tremendous pain since the age of 10 and I was judged badly…
Ok, sorry if I sound sick now, I just turned numb from fatigue…

Like I said most people here never had a partner who cared. Mental illness just scares people off.

I see, ok… I’ll try to calm down on this. Yeap, theres many lonely people… people who go through such tragedies I guess, I know… Maybe I am trying to get used to my body who changed a lot… and am still raging lol :flushed: yeap, lots of tragedies in the world…
Thanks for writing, ever :slightly_smiling_face::kissing_heart: you are a good person lol :slightly_smiling_face: hugs. I’ll try to get better though. I find some truth in what my doc said, that the meds can work for me after years on them… I started them very late in my illness… tbh I was feeling nothing from my zyprexa before, really nothing, not even a sedation, while they say it’s a heavy drug lol :nerd_face:

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I’m in the same boat. I don’t look too bad- some say I’m pretty or cute. I don’t think it’s your looks. I went through a traumatic childhood and really never got over it. I always attract abusers and users. I now have a man stalking me still. So, I had enough of this nonsense. I am better off alone.

It is better to be alone than in bad company.- George Washington

I don’t tell people I don’t know well about my illness either. So, it is not my illness. I know it is me and my problems.

i’m ok with being just by myself… i have my parents for company but i can understand the loneliness can become a burden when you are living by yourself.

Do you really want a partner? I sometimes think about it and it would take so much energy you have to invest into the relationship that i think it would be more of a hassle than a help.

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I was alone for 27 years, besides seeing someone briefly and only kissing. I made a terrible mistake getting involved with someone over 3 years ago, because he did not really care about me and I didn’t feel the same, soon after. I would much rather have not gotten involved with anyone, than getting involved with the wrong person.

I knew so much pain, that it was inhuman… To carry a sz for two decades, was shi*…
Sorry if something, friends…I’ll try to take myself in hands though…its just hard, that’s all :disappointed_relieved:

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