They think I’m being rude or lazy. Not cleaning or talking. I just got told off for no eye contact and limited convo. Maybe I dont want to talk to you. Maybe I have nothing to say. Maybe I actually stuck in this inferno of hell that prevents me from being just like you.
Ugh.
Your not a bad guy. People just don’t understand 
I’m trying but it’s so hard. If only they knew.
I get called a bad guy when I am unmedicated; lazy, useless and junky when medicated. I become a bad guy when unmedicated bcz I become violent and angry very easily. I fight while raging. Meds reduce my sensibility to anger and rage.
My brothers say I am a bad mentally ill person not a good mentally ill person.
Without my medications, i would not be the rather relaxed person that i am right now. Like @Aziz, i have a tendency toward anger. I become extremely agitated and unable to settle. I become frustrated and from there the anger escalates.
You aren’t a bad guy @Windy. You’re doing the best you can, and for other that is just something they don’t understand.
I feel angry and frustration because I feel like you can give people genuine schizophrenia on purpose and that that happened to me…
That nobody believes me.
I get called lazy and unmotivated a lot.
I feel like my life was destroyed and yet I cannot recover. It’s hell. The worst feeling is feeling like I’m going to always be schizophrenic because I’m stuck on the same timeline and the timeline bounces back for eternity. I don’t know that for sure, but I feel like that. I feel like two different people. It feels so real. Like I cannot remember my consciousness or soul before my illness. It’s terrifying and frightening.
How is it to have Asperger’s? I read that Bill Gates has Asperger’s. Asperger’s can have very high intelligence but SZ destroys intelligence.
I always was a dumb, slow kid that lacked social skills, but things came easy for me when I tried. The schizophrenia hit me a year after college in one day, one instant. Before that, I noticed I struggled more in college. The difficulty and learning curve was high. I realized I was with some of the brightest and smartest people and professors. I feel like I studied more than most but not in a smart way. I sometimes make the excuse I suffered from cognitive decline before then. I also noticed caffeine worsened my memory, but I kept drinking them when I was stressed and needed to study. I had a hard time finding motivation and the drinks helped me.
I was smarter as a young kid. No one encouraged me and I was definitely not a savant. I think my IQ was 130 or so before schizophrenia. Not sure what it is now, but it might be 110-120.
IQ is not everything, I am sure SZ reduces intelligence by up to 80%, especially with negative and cognitive symptoms.
Sounds right. I have a hard time figuring things out like using the washer machine. We have an advanced one though. Things are harder now. I can still do mathematics though. I struggle with the very abstract parts. I cannot remember terms or definitions like I used to.
At community college, I could do most if not all the math in my head. I was fast too.
Yea I am also still good at studying but I can’t use my skills in real life so they’re useless. Its like having no intelligence at all.
My brother is more successful than me, but I would say I’m a tad bit brighter. I don’t know. I believe intelligence is not crystallized but fluid meaning it can change over time.
I am glad you are more together now.
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