Why do i grimace at smiley people?

[Nomad]

I have a problem with smiley people, but not all of them. Specifically, religious people that are self-righteous (not all religious people).

It originates in my father being an uptight religious person who puts on a smiley, good-doing front in public, keeping up his professional face (that I know is ■■■■■■■■) and being his usual undiagnosed borderline/narcissist self at home.

I was watching a video where two men were discussing a religious topic, and one of them was grinning for seemingly no reason at the beginning. I ask myself, is he really joyful? I abhor false fronts. In my view they are self-obsessed and want to be seen as holy. I got agitated to the point where I had to stop watching the video, and wanting to punch the guy in the face. I wanted to ask him, have you ever seen evil and darkness? Not to glorify those things, but has your entire 35 year life been candy and roses? Why do you act like things are okay?

I don’t understand my own allergies to certain people and things. I wish I could overcome them somehow.

[Genbu]

The solution as far as I’ve come to know it is something I never understood before.

It was explained more in depth in a spiritualists video which was: Observe your thoughts.

I wanna give an example but its a bit of a process.

I’m still learning/practicing it myself.

(Long pause thinking of an example)

“But they keep stressing me!”
“Or is it you putting your attention to it that is?”

Ugh. I’m struggling to really capture the process. But it is basically restructuring your thought process.

I still get annoyed but much less so since starting that.