It’s been bothering me, I can’t figure what exactly made me start to isolate at age 14. It doesn’t make sense. I was a very good basketball player, I always had plenty of friends. Life was sweet. What made me push everyone away all of the sudden?
Now I am slowly coming out of my asocial tendencies.
It’s hard for me to forgive my parents for not doing anything. I was visibly disturbed since age 14, and even landed in juvenile hall. They had plenty of evidence that I needed help, but they didn’t reach out. I was too entrenched in misery to help myself. Their religion teaches that sickness is unreal and man is perfect. What a bunch of baloney.
But I do have things to be grateful for. I dedicate five minutes every night during the examen prayer to go through what I’m grateful for. Most of the time I can’t think of anything, but overall, thanks to this prayer, I’m more attentive to the positive throughout the day.
I think hearing your guyses stories is part of what keeps me alive.
I think isolation comes when you dont identify yourself with the people you hang out with, or you feel safe in the comfort of home, or when you are so absorbed in your own thoughts you don’t leave room for other stimulants.
I think all of those were going on. When I went to a different high school than all my friends, I hung out with the jocks but I only knew a few of them beforehand. I could have stayed and made friends with the good ones, but I didn’t. I isolated for the next two years.
The summer before freshman year I was totally alone because all my friends were at football camp. I probably got absorbed with my thinking at that point and entered the new school with a mental imbalance.
I started to feel lonely quite soon also,when I was a child. and like you,i still blame my parents that they didn’t see all my pain. my father was against all psychiatry(it was for my sister who is fine now) and he developed some mental illness at his 50s and he died of it…he even didn’t knew that I am also ill… its tough but you see, you are not alone. me too, I struggle to go out of my social tendencies but I still feel bothered when people feel joy around me…me,i cant for the moment…
Yeah, maybe the why is not as important as the how to get out of it.
I was a really extroverted person before my psychotic break, I used to go out everyday and almost every night, meet strangers and turists and make friends, have meaningful conversations with whoever I met. It was fun. Then psychosis happened and all of that turned into depression. Deep depression. I’ve been slowly crawling out of it, but it hurts in my soul to go against it, don’t know how to explain it better.
Last friday I decided to go to a concert, to see some old friends band. They were really good, and I was so tired I couldn’t dance. One of them told me to go dance from the stage and everything and I was like … noo I’ll stay here in my corner. If it was in the past I would’ve went on the freakin stage and danced with them lol… I miss my old self, really do.
I’d like to know too, Bluey. It started with my friends, moved on to my extended family, and I nearly started avoiding my parents and sister this summer. I have become afraid to make new friends even when I am feeling social, because I know this is the pattern. I am afraid of how much I’ll justify cutting out of my life because of this illness.
It’s never that anything goes wrong or that anyone has been cruel. That social motivator stops working with me, and I skip a few things, and then I get stressed out because I can’t explain why I skipped a few things so I skip more, and it gets worse. I’ve lost a lot of friends to this and have hurt a lot of people, myself included.
Things that explain a lot of Sarad’s stuff too said in rhubot’s gracious manner and perfect English!
Currently im not only objectively but also emotionally isolated from my family…I find it more difficult to relate with ‘ordinary unaware’ people and much more difficult to fake interest…
That said, isolation is no.1 symptom of a sneaky depression.