Off meds I get violent thoughts and become irritable, suicidal and violent around ppl (family only thankfully). I went 2yrs without meds and now thinking about it if I went longer I could have been violent with ppl other than my family too. Before sz I was one of the best in school. These thoughts disturbed me and my grades went down since 16y.o. They were more in the background but got more and more intense until my diagnosis and still get intense when I stop meds.
I feel like I developped another personality since getting sz, a bad evil one. Is that why sz is called split mind? Meds switch me to the good one but give me severe negative symptoms staying in bed all day everyday. Sometimes I think about stopping meds as I get less negative symptoms than now on Risperdal.
Idk if my severe negative symptoms are any better than being suicidal and violent off meds.