Why Am I Still Single?

  1. Defenses

Most people have been hurt in interpersonal relationships.

  1. Unhealthy Attractions

We may establish an unsatisfying relationship by selecting a person who isn’t emotionally available.

  1. Fear of Intimacy

We are defended about letting someone else in. In effect, on a deeper level, we don’t necessarily want the love we say we want.

  1. Pickiness

Our own defenses often leave us feeling pickier and more judgmental. This is particularly true after we’ve had bad experiences, where we were deceived or rejected by a person for whom we had strong feelings. Many women start to have thoughts like, “There are no decent men out there” or “All the good ones are taken.” Men may have thoughts like, “You can’t trust a women” or “Women are all out to take advantage of you.”

  1. Low Self-Esteem

So many people I’ve spoken to have expressed the same sentiment. They believe they want a fulfilling relationship more than anything, but they believe even more firmly that no one worthwhile would be interested in them.

  1. Fear of Competition

A lack of self-esteem often leads to fears of competing. It’s easy to put ourselves down in relation to others, especially when it comes to dating. When we meet someone we like, it’s all too easy to think, “He/she could do better.” When we see that someone else is interested in the person we like, we may be quick to back away. We may feel unwilling to compete, particularly as we get older, and we start to have self-attacks like “Your time has passed, you’re too old for this

  1. Isolation and Routine

With age, people tend to retreat further and further into their comfort zones

8.Rule-making

As years pass, we often develop rulebooks for ourselves regarding dating. In effect, we put what we have learned “down on paper,” but what looks good on paper doesn’t always work in real life. When we act on rules based on our past, we can create a perpetual cycle of disappointing relationships.

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I am lucky I found a good wife,we only dated a year…she was recommended by my own mother

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I became single after my SZ so its SZ that made me single, the negative and cognitive symptoms specifically.

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In my lifetime, I dated a lot of women and men. I threw all of them away both good and bad. A few threw me away. I think it was destiny for me to end up single.

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You will find someone,sometimes I would hope I never married and I can travel anywhere without being responsible to anyone…now that I am married,I had someone I need to be responsible for

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  1. Defences Being hurt in interpersonal relationships provides you with experience and a history of relationships.

  2. Unhealthy Attractions You shouldn’t establish an unsatisfying relationship by selecting a person who isn’t emotionally available. @Greenmind Establish a satisfying relationship by choosing a man who is emotionally available and within 5 kilometres of your city/town.

  3. Fear of Intimacy It is difficult to let someone new into your life. A deeper level of intimacy is necessarily what you want and say you want.

  4. Pickiness It seems like you’ve had some strong feelings for a previous man of whom you had a relationship with. Bad experience is better than no experience but I am sure you’ve had your good experiences too. It’s unfortunate you were deceived or rejected though it won’t be your first time nor will it be your last.

  5. Low Self- Esteem It’s best that all people should be in a relationship because being with someone makes you happy, sad, angry, laughing etc…Schizophrenics need people too because we are human. I am quite sure there a lot men are interested in you but at least accept the one of whom you can meet in real life. This forum is not such a place to find a relationship.

  6. Fear of Competition Yes, I agree. Men and women do compete with each other in the courting dance rituals. When competition is present, humans will activate their fight-or-flight response mechanism. You’ve chosen the flight response. However, women have considered an alternative to fight-or-flight (which is considered for men) and that is “tend-and-befriend”. I believe that a woman’s response should be to her competition is tend to the competition and befriend that competition.

  7. Isolation and Routine The term, “can’t teach an old dog new tricks” comes up when age and comfort zone is mentioned. As humans get older between their 40s-60s, we are accustomed to what our daily routine is. If you want to make a change then get out of your comfort zone.

  8. Rule-Making Rules are one thing and so are guidelines. It’s good to put your experiences and rules for self down on paper so you can reflect and figure out what is the best course of action for you. But like you said, “what looks good on paper doesn’t always work in real life”. Know thyself and know your opponent/partner etc… and you will come out with thousands of victories ~ Sun Tzu

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I don’t know. 42132132131

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Aren’t you just recently single? It hasn’t even been like a month…you will find someone again soon.

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I quit dating after age 32, To much drama and I never had much luck dating, mostly because I’m attracted to the hyper, little off the wall, tom boy types. always got me in trouble. After my last relationship failed I dated a few times but always seen stuff in them that I did not like, I just said why bother

Not sure how I would do now, have not tried in some time, probably better than before but I isolate so don’t really meet anyone to date and the dating sites are useless

I do ok online now, had a online gf for many years till she went off meds and back to drinking so had to end that. but it showed me I do better now

Guess what I’m saying as you age you will grow and be more happy with yourself, older people are more stable and often are tired of wondering around in different relationships and stay focused, which make dating easier

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I’m still single as well. :smiley:

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I would say just learn to love yourself first. the more comfortable you beome with yourself the more people will see it and the attraction will surround you with what you didnt know you were missing out on.

Attraction is easy, the difficulty is to maintain my interest and the other person interest and make it a real deal

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Yea sometimes I fear competition with my sister actually. Something I will be discussing in therapy.

Hm I like that know thyself and know your opponent to gain little victories…

Tbh I don’t know why you are still single. Maybe it hasn’t been a long time that you’ve been single?

You seem like a nice gal.

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I am voluntarily single.
I could easily enter a relationship with someone if I wanted to, but I’ve grown more selective over the years. I don’t want to enter a relationship just to be in one, and I don’t want to enter a relationship with someone whose main interest in me is that I turn them on. I have no interest in sex, so basing a relationship off of sexual attraction would be stupid.

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4 years…i just dont know how to choose a good person, a serious person that want me too

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Are you willing to date a person without sz?

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I dated online for a few years until I found my partner. With most guys I spoke to…it never went further than talking on the phone or a first date. I mean, you quickly find out what people are looking for. But I wish people were more honest on their profile. I mean it is ok if that is what they want, but for me sex wasn’t a priority on my list. I don’t really care for it. I wanted a best friend (and I don’t have close friends to start with). I just wanted to be with someone who will allow me into their world and vice versa. The other guys I was talking to, when I asked them questions, they tried to avoid answering. I couldn’t get emotionally close to them.

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Only if he has the same level of sz…it can’t be worse
Nice question

This is so true. Thank you a lot. Really. You helped me!

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Your preaching to the choir sister, its a burden of being passionate. I would say the best thing to do is to take sex out of the equation and focus on building a relationship on pillars of trust, companionship, communication and the like. Then once you have all the ingredients then you add the spice. Its more fun that way and it builds devotion. But it is 2020 :alien:

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