Most people have been hurt in interpersonal relationships.
- Unhealthy Attractions
We may establish an unsatisfying relationship by selecting a person who isn’t emotionally available.
- Fear of Intimacy
We are defended about letting someone else in. In effect, on a deeper level, we don’t necessarily want the love we say we want.
Our own defenses often leave us feeling pickier and more judgmental. This is particularly true after we’ve had bad experiences, where we were deceived or rejected by a person for whom we had strong feelings. Many women start to have thoughts like, “There are no decent men out there” or “All the good ones are taken.” Men may have thoughts like, “You can’t trust a women” or “Women are all out to take advantage of you.”
- Low Self-Esteem
So many people I’ve spoken to have expressed the same sentiment. They believe they want a fulfilling relationship more than anything, but they believe even more firmly that no one worthwhile would be interested in them.
- Fear of Competition
A lack of self-esteem often leads to fears of competing. It’s easy to put ourselves down in relation to others, especially when it comes to dating. When we meet someone we like, it’s all too easy to think, “He/she could do better.” When we see that someone else is interested in the person we like, we may be quick to back away. We may feel unwilling to compete, particularly as we get older, and we start to have self-attacks like “Your time has passed, you’re too old for this
- Isolation and Routine
With age, people tend to retreat further and further into their comfort zones
As years pass, we often develop rulebooks for ourselves regarding dating. In effect, we put what we have learned “down on paper,” but what looks good on paper doesn’t always work in real life. When we act on rules based on our past, we can create a perpetual cycle of disappointing relationships.
I am lucky I found a good wife,we only dated a year…she was recommended by my own mother
I became single after my SZ so its SZ that made me single, the negative and cognitive symptoms specifically.
In my lifetime, I dated a lot of women and men. I threw all of them away both good and bad. A few threw me away. I think it was destiny for me to end up single.
You will find someone,sometimes I would hope I never married and I can travel anywhere without being responsible to anyone…now that I am married,I had someone I need to be responsible for
I don’t know. 42132132131
Aren’t you just recently single? It hasn’t even been like a month…you will find someone again soon.
I quit dating after age 32, To much drama and I never had much luck dating, mostly because I’m attracted to the hyper, little off the wall, tom boy types. always got me in trouble. After my last relationship failed I dated a few times but always seen stuff in them that I did not like, I just said why bother
Not sure how I would do now, have not tried in some time, probably better than before but I isolate so don’t really meet anyone to date and the dating sites are useless
I do ok online now, had a online gf for many years till she went off meds and back to drinking so had to end that. but it showed me I do better now
Guess what I’m saying as you age you will grow and be more happy with yourself, older people are more stable and often are tired of wondering around in different relationships and stay focused, which make dating easier
I’m still single as well.
I would say just learn to love yourself first. the more comfortable you beome with yourself the more people will see it and the attraction will surround you with what you didnt know you were missing out on.
Attraction is easy, the difficulty is to maintain my interest and the other person interest and make it a real deal
Yea sometimes I fear competition with my sister actually. Something I will be discussing in therapy.
Hm I like that know thyself and know your opponent to gain little victories…
Tbh I don’t know why you are still single. Maybe it hasn’t been a long time that you’ve been single?
You seem like a nice gal.
I am voluntarily single.
I could easily enter a relationship with someone if I wanted to, but I’ve grown more selective over the years. I don’t want to enter a relationship just to be in one, and I don’t want to enter a relationship with someone whose main interest in me is that I turn them on. I have no interest in sex, so basing a relationship off of sexual attraction would be stupid.
4 years…i just dont know how to choose a good person, a serious person that want me too
Are you willing to date a person without sz?
I dated online for a few years until I found my partner. With most guys I spoke to…it never went further than talking on the phone or a first date. I mean, you quickly find out what people are looking for. But I wish people were more honest on their profile. I mean it is ok if that is what they want, but for me sex wasn’t a priority on my list. I don’t really care for it. I wanted a best friend (and I don’t have close friends to start with). I just wanted to be with someone who will allow me into their world and vice versa. The other guys I was talking to, when I asked them questions, they tried to avoid answering. I couldn’t get emotionally close to them.
Only if he has the same level of sz…it can’t be worse
This is so true. Thank you a lot. Really. You helped me!
Your preaching to the choir sister, its a burden of being passionate. I would say the best thing to do is to take sex out of the equation and focus on building a relationship on pillars of trust, companionship, communication and the like. Then once you have all the ingredients then you add the spice. Its more fun that way and it builds devotion. But it is 2020