Why am I not working?

My fiancé blew up at me today. He said he wasn’t going to an obligation we had, I said “wtf”. He yelled “what the ■■■■ have you done this past year? Nothing!”

I feel really guilty for not working. And am wondering how or what to say to him about my not working. I don’t even know the reasons myself when I think about it.

I guess it is I can’t handle much stress and even the thought of returning to work is sort of panick provoking. I mean I haven’t worked in 5 years. I just have so little confidence I can’t even seem to try.

My reasons seem lame.

Why don’t you work? What is the reason?

5 Likes

My brain inflammation and subsequent SZ symptoms prevent me from working outside of the house. I recently have been able to do some work from home though.

Consider a home business of some sort?

2 Likes

I don’t work because I can’t hold a job.

I get paranoid and lash out,

End up getting fired in fit of fury.

Still,

I write and get paid for that, but its not as consistent as I’d like,

And its not near the money I have the potential for.

Sometimes I feel like a waste, but the fact is I’m not suited for regular work right now.

Don’t feel bad, homegirl,

Some of us just can’t do it right now.

Besides, don’t you have tons of medical stuff going on right now?

6 Likes

I’ve kinda given up on the idea of working.

My cognition isn’t what it used to be before I got ill.

And my paranoia and delusions are fairly constant, even on medication.

2 Likes

I worked for years at the same position as a special ed paraprofessional/substitute teacher.
But eventually I could no longer maintain my job.

I was getting increasingly paranoid, anxious, manic, irritable, depressed, etc…

I am now on SSDI disability.

It’s ok if you are not working @Skims.

4 Likes

I can only work part time. It took a long time to be able to work at all. Besides a short stint at Gamestop, I worked from home for a call center for a couple of years before moving on to retail.

The call center was hell, I had breakdown after breakdown after breakdown. Retail has been slightly better, but only because retail is a very easy job in comparison provided you’re not a manager, which i’m not.

I’m sure your fiance just had a moment where he felt overwhelmed, or maybe he doesn’t realize how crippling MI can be. I thank God I can hold down a part time job, but if I work too long of a shift or too many hours in a given week, it takes me at least a week to get anywhere close to where I was at the beginning of the long week. That’s not counting if my personal life has stuff come up.

Hang in there, and be patient with yourself. You can’t speed up your recovery just because someone else thinks you should. We all have our own timeline, please remember that.

2 Likes

I have worked since 6 months post-diagnosis.

I find it useful as a distraction, but the stress has made me suicidal at times and I have been hospitalised more times than I can remember in the last few years, and it’s a battle to keep stable on my APs as the stress overcomes me still and I get symptoms. I refuse to go on Clozaril because it’s sedating and I had that problem with Olanzapine and I need to be alert at work.

The way I see it is I am more stressed, anxious and symptomatic at home by having nothing to focus on but my problems because I am by myself. Work gives me a bit of a release from it all and gives me something to do.

I recently cut down to four days, and my case manager wants me to only do three, so they’re seeing if I qualify for PIP benefit (UK) which they give to people based on need not means.

Despite all the bad sides, it gets me out of the house. I get stir crazy even being at home just for the weekend and cannot wait to get back to work - but also by Thursday I cannot wait for the weekend so I can recharge. It’s like an endless ■■■■■■■ cycle that I can’t wait to finally end it.

I don’t know what will happen in the future. I am not sure if I can sustain this for a prolonged period of time. I have my mum, aunt and two cousins work where I work and they help me along the way.

Only problem is when they retire in the next few years, I won’t have that support at work and I could end up losing my independence, which really worries me.

I have now been on benzos for over a year, and my doctor wants me off them, but I tried that and felt awful so went back on them otherwise I would have had to go sick without pay, which I now cannot afford as I don’t live with family anymore.

I am now ‘treatment-resistant’ which ■■■■■■■ sucks.

So yeah, the above is the situation I am in through choosing to work. Feel free to share this post with your partner if you think it might give some perspective on how things could be. There are positives and negatives, and it’s difficult and the gist of the above shows how conflicted I am.

2 Likes

I live a decent life on the pension. If I work I get stressed. I stress I get paranoid and it all goes pear shaped from there!

I do some volunteering a couple of days a week. That keeps me busy with something to do so might pay to consider something like that. I help out my cricket club mowing and maintaining a sporting club and oval. It is rewarding in itself and at the moment I love my life not working!

5 Likes

You guys should talk, explain to him what are your thoughts about working and socializing with different people. He loves you and for sure he will understand it once you guys sort this thing up.

2 Likes

Right now I am not working. I have been stable for one year 9months on medication. I am on invega sustenna. Before that I kept on going off medication and was in the hospital once a year. Once I have been stable for 2 years I am going to get a car and start cleaning part time. I am going to go slowly. I am just afraid of working because I am afraid of my odsp being cut off if I return to work. But I am still going to give it a try because I am feeling really bored and stressed not working.

1 Like

Finding jobs where you can actually work.is hard.i must like the environment cause i dont want to be in it only for money.

For example i really like books…so i was cleaning a book store. I just loved going there and being there.

I also love men…so now i clean a car dealers and carparts store. My boss is so cute.

1 Like

People don’t want me making the dumbest people alive jealous. It has greatly affected my ability to work. I wasn’t sick all the time, when I worked.

1 Like

I’ve been looking to get back into working, but I feel my negative symptoms are pretty harsh. I’m split between filling out apps online, and just sitting here like a couch potato. It’s very frustrating…I haven’t worked in over a year. I’m on SSDI so that helps, but I feel completely useless

1 Like

At the moment I help my grandmother but I think I could only do a light part time job, the reasons for this are that I’m slow and dumb, I get anxious and overloaded around people; and my energy level/stress tolerance is not very high…

3 Likes

I was broken long ago and nobody can fix me.

3 Likes

I haven’t worked for 7+ years. I have SSDI and great insurance atm but I just don’t feel I can make a good contribution at this point with depression being always on my heels and psychosis in my hair.

Thank you all for your honest replies.

We hashed it out. Turns out he had wanted help during tax time with bookkeeping. I used to do it for him and he didn’t know why I stopped. I had to think for a while about why I stopped doing his books. 2 reasons: 1-he hoarded receipts, not giving me them. 2-I wasn’t doing the books the way he wanted so he took over and then never showed me how to resume. But I was lame and didn’t ask him to show me what to do.

I kept my head during the conversation and offered ideas how to rectify. But geez the stress I put on myself was stupid. I think it’ll take me a few days to recover mentally and physically.

Back to this week… we had premarital counseling yesterday. I think it went ok, actually better than I thought as I was dreading it. It was like therapy and I got all locked up.

2 Likes

I’ll give you an example of me. I tried transcribing which means I listen to people’s interviews and speech, and then I type what they are saying. I also tried writing articles for another website. I did this for a few months. There’s nothing to it though. It is dull, and I couldn’t do it without my sz coming back to get me.

I have to be intrigued by what I’m doing, and I have to be allowed to be creative as well. Therefore I could only be an entrepreneur, and this has only ever been surrounded by amazing feats and skills needed to do the job.

If it’s too simple, mundane, routine, I can’t stay long. Sz will determine this for me. Even just going by the social pecking order which others perceive as a solid, pre-cut aspect of reality is something I have never been able to do for very long. It’s all too simple, mundane, and routine. Worst of all it’s all illogical. Even when I was the boss of a company crew and manager of some teams it was still a problem for me because I could not fit down into the narrow, cut mazes they come with in their minds, and then just act like I’m stuck in the their info mazes with them.

I worked hard, suffered a lot, and I’m very fortunate these days.


1 Like

This topic was automatically closed 95 days after the last reply. New replies are no longer allowed.