I have worked since 6 months post-diagnosis.
I find it useful as a distraction, but the stress has made me suicidal at times and I have been hospitalised more times than I can remember in the last few years, and it’s a battle to keep stable on my APs as the stress overcomes me still and I get symptoms. I refuse to go on Clozaril because it’s sedating and I had that problem with Olanzapine and I need to be alert at work.
The way I see it is I am more stressed, anxious and symptomatic at home by having nothing to focus on but my problems because I am by myself. Work gives me a bit of a release from it all and gives me something to do.
I recently cut down to four days, and my case manager wants me to only do three, so they’re seeing if I qualify for PIP benefit (UK) which they give to people based on need not means.
Despite all the bad sides, it gets me out of the house. I get stir crazy even being at home just for the weekend and cannot wait to get back to work - but also by Thursday I cannot wait for the weekend so I can recharge. It’s like an endless ■■■■■■■ cycle that I can’t wait to finally end it.
I don’t know what will happen in the future. I am not sure if I can sustain this for a prolonged period of time. I have my mum, aunt and two cousins work where I work and they help me along the way.
Only problem is when they retire in the next few years, I won’t have that support at work and I could end up losing my independence, which really worries me.
I have now been on benzos for over a year, and my doctor wants me off them, but I tried that and felt awful so went back on them otherwise I would have had to go sick without pay, which I now cannot afford as I don’t live with family anymore.
I am now ‘treatment-resistant’ which ■■■■■■■ sucks.
So yeah, the above is the situation I am in through choosing to work. Feel free to share this post with your partner if you think it might give some perspective on how things could be. There are positives and negatives, and it’s difficult and the gist of the above shows how conflicted I am.