Whupped by indolence

indolent  (ˈɪndələnt) :smile:
— adj

  1. disliking work or effort; lazy; idle

I have a book almost ready for the publisher…the agent is waiting on my proposal…
I have a HUGE box of expensive yarns–waiting to be knitted…
I have a graphics tablet and software just waiting for me to paint

And I sit here in this chair staring at the computer screen …not looking at much of anything…I have no interest in ANYTHING…I know it’s not really indolence…it’s this damned disease. Add to the lethargy of SZ , I also have three autoimmune diseases that cause horrific fatigue.
I wish I didn’t have any of this"stuff"–then I would not feel so guilty for not using it.

I know exactly how you feel. I used to stargaze and enjoy walking to the library and taking out novels to read. but now - nothing. I haven’t been to the library in weeks, I couldn’t finish any of the novels I took out (except childrens books by enid blyton) and my binoculars are gathering dust (figuratively). I also writing book - two actually, and sent them off to publishers, but my next book idea haven’t started on yet. the house is getting dirty and daily prayers are a big effort.
life looks bleak - there is so much to possibly do, but I just don’t have the interest. sz sucks doesn’t it?

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On the brighter side, at least you will have stuff to do when you feel like doing something. I’m thinking about writing a children’s book but I’m not sure how to start it.

I also have a whole bunch of 1/2 started projects and stuff waiting on me. Someday I’ll get it all done. Not being able to read is probably the most distressing thing for me right now. When I was un-medicated I was reading 2-3 books a week, now when I look at a page the words get all jumbled up and its so overwhelming. For my schoolwork it takes forever just to read a few pages or my notes. And that’s when I can muster up the energy to even bother. I’m not sure whether it is the Saphris (my anti-psychotic) or the depression that’s affecting me. I could read when I was taking Clozaril but then I needed reading glasses. Did anyone else notice that with Clozaril it relaxed your facial muscles so much that it affected your vision? As soon as I stopped taking it my vision got better.

I know what you mean about reading.I’m just now starting to get back into reading and I thank the Kinde for that. Being able to adjust the size and font and brightness has made it easier for me to read. However I cannot read for long stretches like I used to …now about a half hour is maximum for me.