Has it ever gotten to the point where you didn’t like any kind of music anymore? (I feel like the whole world is anxiously fragile). Who else keeps a symptom log?
I do keep a symptoms log… a while ago my doc said … between the manic euphoria and the flat despondent deadness… it sounded like I was rapid cycling…
I started jotting it down just see if he was right or if I was… It turned out… he was right… I was swinging between the two almost every other week.
I’m now on Depakote with my Latuda and Seroquel.
I kind of keep track of it mentally to a degree. I can at least recognize when things are coming on and have developed ways to handle them all.
Yesterday I had this delusional insight into a world of reincarnated telepaths. They come from the human collective experience and feign ignorance just to keep playing in this world. They hide the reality to keep the game, and it is a game to them(hence all the carelessness) going. Some of us are on our first lives etcetera. There was no new insight into this delusion. It was a minor momentary relapse into a state I had inhabited before. It was trigger by two girls standing opposite of me casual glancing at me while they were talking. It was in the middle of a crowded noisy place, the hallmark of the human experience, the place people seek to be for some reason. It’s shitty but I could help but sense the narrow carelessness of their minds. The focus that comes with a normal human experience, where both the identity is maintained while social dexterity is developed. In that delusion though their natural capacity for being comfortable in that space would come from something much more grand in the sense that it is ancient and repetitive but also part of a running fugue slowly changing over time. They would be the undying, why would they be concerned with fear.
it passed in about 5 minutes. i didn’t let it effect my world view permanently.
I can never do drugs again or I might not have the control over occurrences like that.
Thanks for the reply, do you also keep a journal? I look back at mine several weeks later and don’t have a clue what I am talking about, can you relate to this too? It seems to be a bunch of jib-jab non-sense.
Yes… very much… there are times were it’s almost embarrassing how far out there some of my theories and mental wanderings get.
There are some journals that I have NO idea what I was trying to say…
So I assume with the depakote you have a mood component, are you’re most severe ramblings mostly done while manic or psychotic? While psychotic I write about aliens keeping tabs on us and some times can only write shaky letters or just draw faces and think they’re watching me, while manic, I write manifestos about some political something or other, and plans to move or travel across the country.
I do have a mood element… a lot of my ramblings are done with I’m Manic… I’ve written pages about a new enlightenment… and other euphoric “epiphanies”