How I look, how I express myself, if I look cool or just nice.
I know it’s very narcissistic but I really needed to see myself being myself.
The result of this experience was that I had a lot of empathy for who I am. A lot of indulgence despite the flaws that I saw in myself on the video.
I saw myself as a “real” 40-year-old man and not as a somewhat shy and traumatized man.
I was of course able to observe what were the visible signs of my schizophrenia.
Really it helped me to have a different representation of myself.
No!! Could not handle that! I am paranoid of being filmed, and have had delusions that people were tracking me through cameras – I can’t do that to myself.
I’ve never done that, and if I did I don’t know if I would want to watch it. I don’t like the sound of my own voice. What I hear when I talk and what I hear when I listen to a recording of myself seems so different.