Who else accepted some suffering too until it gets better?

Ok, folks, so i am really progressing, thats the news… I take my meds religiously, but i still have symptoms every day… Ok, i was sick for the last 20 years, for real… almost no life for that time either, it was very hard…
Now i try to feel, to observe, to learn, to mature, to move more etc etc and i am really changing.
In fact, i was never stable or just totally fine since these years…
But now, i see progress. The problem is that i still get all kind of symptoms every day and my pdoc doesnt seem to want to give me more meds… Maybe i need to suffer a bit now, i mean to feel too…
But yeah, even me, i dont want much to take more meds. I have my somatic disorder as well, theres no much meds for it…
Anyway, who did it like me? Did you accept some suffering on the way to your recovery? :confused: despite the meds lol, which cant help it all i guess?..
thats all…
I have one heaviness,which occurs every afternoon, later i get numb for the night etc etc, but i progress even despite that…
Its just that now, i wanted to cry as hell from so much ‘‘forgotten’’ grieve , that i kept inside in me for long… Yeap, i was in a shell for long, almost even aphasic…

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I did. I’m sick of constantly switching meds and dosages. Instead, I’m keeping the same med and dose while getting intensive therapy.

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suffering aint acceptable. i went through a lot of disconfort but i never think of it as suffering. i got sick, for the first 2 years I couldn’t sit down more than 30 seconds due to very extreme unquietness. I would wake up everyday and be restless all day long. the day took forever and than some. i would move from spot to spot, stay 1 minute, 2, and move to the next spot. nobody could help. Sometimes you gotta be tough but i dont call it suffering. what dont kill you makes you stronger. note that all the resilience required at those times, i use to my benefit nowadays. live, learn, and use it

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I am in the same situation yeap… Ive tried all meds for 10 years, they didnt move me a lot… even my ex pdoc said to stop switching and try to change… i really see the progress now, after 5 years on zyprexa… but i act asocially still and i also sometimes am crippled by my symptoms… but i dont want more meds either, ive tried that…
We have a big family problem now and my mother occupies me with this now too much and doesnt care, that i get paranoid around that yet…
I am worried now, sorry…
Get better too @CoCo , i hear you…
Hugs all

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I prefer to push through the pain. I dont like to wait for things to pass.

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Well, i lack courage… when i am paranoid, i cant even walk…
Is it my fault? My mother doesn’t care much that i am scared and she even gets angry to me for that… i probably had a terrible parents tbh, theyve destroyed me…
My dad was beating my sister for example, until she has blood from her mouth… and the same on my mother… for decades this, since i remember myself… am i a coward around this , so that now i lose all my ways and sometimes i just sit on the couch like that?
Dont blame me, that i dont act… i have physical hallucinations from fear… i lose my head totally, when theres too many problems… i curb my back from fear, just trying to avoid my mother who looks for me to act sometimes :pensive:
She is the kind of mother, who said to me that i’ll always be alone and sick and that i shouldnt get a serious partner, cause no one will love me really because sick and that they risk to take from me my apartment…
Yes, am scared… and unfortunately, i still run away a bit… my fault? Am just too sick, you cant imagine… i dont have normal mother for that… my father passed away from psychosis at the age of 54…

Pray for me pls pals… theres nothing left as help for me than god maybe…
Pray, that my fear will get lessened, that my physical stuff from it stops too :smirk:
I am a mess now… but i have to try to go tomorrow 2 stations away from me by feet, to buy myself some earphones, wish me strength for it please… i calm down when listening to music with them before sleep in fact… it also cheers me up sometimes, when its calmer in my family…
Only my left earphone works now, the problem is probably in the earphones now, they blew up, right? I hope its not my phone jack plug, who is damaged lol?..

I’m sorry you’re struggling so much

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Thanks… idk, yeap, i cant calm still now… Its physical too here this, its a lot… idk why i ended up like this…
20 years of no struggle, i paid my give up i guess…
But my parents were never next to me to see me worsening in my life… my father was occupued to oppress and beat till death my sister… idk if my sz is genetic, maybe he was ill too yeap…
In the day, i felt though such a lift in my positive emotions that it gave me hope… but just 5 more minutes around something, which seems to me problematic and i deflate as a broken balloon… :sweat:
Idk how i stand still… but tbh, i cant even stand now, my somatic disorder makes me feel as dying… my paranoia makes the same…
Idk why i got it so severe… its hell… ok, i guess this is what my sz wants me to make it believe, believe in the hell right?
I wish id knew, that i am not alone in my life… i had an 15 year old isolation… my best sz friend toldvme, that she would have killed herself in my place… not a good thing to hear though, i am scared for my life yeap…
But ok, i wanted to rejoy you with the progress, that i started seeing lately… but later today, we had another problem… and i turned smashed…
Ok, whatever… i write in a moment of pain now, maybe shouldnt do it…
Youll tell me to not give up still? :roll_eyes:
Hugs to all…

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Hey, how are you so late up?

Since months i wake up a bit late and i go to bed later, dear :relaxed: in fact, my sz was the kind to want only to sleep, you know? :smirk: so i try to stay awake or asleep in healthier hours… not only sleeping if you see, but i like the night now too… am a passive person with no job i guess heh, jk :grin::grin::laughing:
Whatever, i had problems to stop worrying this evening, cause we have a problem at home… its a pity, that it affects me so physically too, i couldnt even walk :disappointed_relieved: my mind feels a wreck too then, till painful headaches even…
Anyway zoa, ill fight still to change my thinking…
Does sz is always so painful? :unamused:
But ive told you, i saw a real progress in the day… maybe its a good thing, never saw that before, but as you see now, i crash totally still every day in other moments… :sleepy: ive chosen a bit to endure and take this pain now, even my pdoc didn’t want more meds, but yeah, i risk to feel the hell still for a time, this is hard…
Pls, dont push me to more docs or therapists, i really have to change my mind, my beliefs about the reality and maybe my character lol…
My attitude towards the world now is probably just bad and false too… i sometimes feel that i complain here, while i disappear some other time :smirk: i just think on me and the world lately, i try to get higher too… but i need your support now, maybe one day, ill be able to support you too, yeah, i feel guilt that i am not a good helper to any of you here :pensive: but my case was so special, i mean even my family story that maybe ill help someone one day too…

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@Anna1, you must find friend or friends somewhere…
You can’t be hermetically isolated…
Join the forum, please, you can’t see forest from trees…
Being more active over here could only help. Start.

I think we all have to accept some suffering. Or the majority of us. Since adjusting to meds can be hell. I know it was for me. ■■■■ antipsychotics… Just keeeedingggg

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Well it ain’t funny

What is not funny?

I am in the forum as best as i can now… you can judge by my attitude here, that i am still just too sick… its illness zoa, i cant control it yet… you dont know how limited i was for decades… i experience suffering sometimes even from a simple thing like if some furniture of mine breaks for example… my docs called me “unadaptive”…
I have 3 real friends irl with whom i talk almost every day on the phone…i socialize sometimes on facebook…
But i really do my best here… its just, that i was obsessed with the sz for years, my doc said, that my mind is sz engaged by, i try to change my ideas sometimes now…
I participate here enough i find, i wont justify myself now… do you know, that i blamed myself for my sz for 20 years? Me and only me, thinking that i dont deserve even to live, even less to be talked at? And again, i still dont control well my behavior, cause i am a mess…
Ok, ill be here still, every day even, even if i dont talk and ill tell you all right away if the things will change for me…maybe ill have a lot to say to you one day…

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No, I just ment the opposite by starting the forum…
I know you are afraid of people, cause you think they would mock on you… Some will
But maybe writting diary isn’t bad idea…
Like all you feel put on the paper…
Maybe program your day and stay stick to it…
If you aren’t afraid of going outside, volunteere two hours…
No, you can repay for those twenty years, but you promise yourself you won’t be miserable any more…

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