Tension makes us mess up which might cause fear. Or fear makes us mess up which might make us tense. I’m studying my fear of children. I should out and out ask them if they are trying to scare me.
I used to say chicken and egg because I don’t say the f word.
I think it’s circular like a snake grabbing it’s tail so there is really no beginning its always there. Meds are supposed to help the tension part but they don’t always work perfect.
So then to stop the circular I tried practicing thinking of nothing the zen way, but I switched back to Jesus for peace.
Then that stops the circular and you can listen to music or get back to work or your regularly scheduled program. 
I used to terrified of children. But then not getting any sex, it wasn’t a problem.
I think if I remained single and was able to more control stress it might have been easier.
But then …
First comes love, then comes marriage then comes me with a baby carriage. Anyone remember that school child chant? Well actually that worked for me.
Then love for your child blocks out ALL fear and you just go with the flow. Just make sure you have a supportive spouse before you do the marriage thing.
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Is marriage power? I would be abusive of that power and hurt my child as my mother did.
Tension causes Fear…
Fear causes Tension…
I hope your therapy goes over these issues.
With help you can strive to be the total opposite of your Mom. you don’t have to talk to them when you become adult. Hubbies Mom has to deal with what she sowed. So what goes around comes around.
So I just try to sow love and forgive and forget. But that part needs help from a pro.
My Mom still says ridiculous hurtful things to my brothers and sisters but we just roll our eyes because we survived.
I’m not against saying “God damn it.” to a destructive mind.