Where is it going

I don’t know where it is going. My negative thoughts are annoying. The daily dose of delusions are hard to cope with. I’m probably a black pilled doomer. Sometimes the thoughts get so intense that they I cave in and act on them. Nothing with violence or so. Just negative and unhealthy behaviour through bad decisions.

I’m kinda stuck in space. My life is just going from one day to the other with none different tasks or occupations. I’m still stuck in addictions which I have to quit to not be impaired healthwise in the future. No illegal drugs. I know what I have to do to improve my diabetes. Somehow I can’t life this way, just 'cause I’m mostly dedicated to toxiticy.

I often write about what I feel and think. Most of the time I write about my relapses and how it would be better when I wouldn’t be no longer around, for me and my family.

I’m in this dread since I came out of hospital in 2017. Now it’s has become more unenjoyable over time. Needed to vent now.

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