My bf says i need to just let ■■■■ go but i cany. Not when these things mean everything to me. He doesnt see that he cant underatand how important it is to me. To me wothout this is nothi g and life becomes meaningless. He tells me to relax and that everythings fine, but how can it be fine when mh world is collapsing in on itself. Just because he cant see what is going on and i try to explain jt to him and he just gets tired. Im always thinking that im more of a burdan and he would be better without me. That secretly he doesnt actually like who i am and just likes this idea of me. Something im not and wants to turn me into his ideal. Im questioning all his motives and i think he wants to feel like hes better than me even tho he says he doesnt i dont believe him. We do a work out together and he lies to me and gets me to do less than him. He says its just because he changes hos mind and that i need to just chill. But how can i chill when i told him exactly what i need and im still not getting it. I feel like everyone is better than me and i need to constantly work to catch up and become better at doing things and to bevome a better person. But i enjoy none of it im just doing it so that i can feel ok with myself. That when i feel like im good enough yhen its ok. But how can i feel good enough or caych up when he expects me to do lessm o dont want to do less and then he says im selfish and only think of myselfm but how does this hurt him it doesnt. So everything os stupid and frustrating and i cant relax. Cause i constantly think that everything has to do with me and that by these actions its proof im not good enough for them and yhat i should just dossapear. Cause why put on the effort if ur never gonna be good anyways it doesnt make sense to me. Isnt that the goal of doing stuff to become good to feel accomplished. So how can i let it go when it is everything. I dont want to live like that. Is that wrong to want that?
I would like to help you, but the text is too dense and too confusing, I don’t understand, maybe try to break the text into paragraphs so it’s more readable.
Anyway, from what I understood your boyfriend tells you to let things go and you can’t. Well, holding on to what makes us miserable is not good, so maybe try to let go of that stuff. If it makes you happy and it’s delusional or hallucinations than probably isn’t the best idea to hold on either…
Heres the problem i dont want to live a life where i feel like i cant accomplish what i want to. Since that is my readon for loving without it there is nothing. As long as im working toward this goal i feel ok. Soon as something happens and ot prevents me or makes it so that it becomes to painful to want to continue i lose my mind. Since i cant quit. And i cant give in. Its my lifeline.
I constantly feel like i need to prove myself and that everyone around me is doubting my abilities. That they only tell me im doing good so i dont freak out. So anytime i feel like i have not accomplished enough or im not doing as much or not as well i feel like maybe im wrong and im truly incapable. And if im truly incapable then why try. And if theres no point in trying there is no point in living. So basicalky i might as well be dead.
You also have to know your limitations and work with them and not ignore them. It sounds like you might be in denial about some of your limitations. It all takes a while to accept that you have some limitations that you didn’t have before.
Yea but o should be able to choose how hard i work and if he lies and tells me to only do a certain amount but then he hoes and does more. It really bothers me cause i believe i can do what ever i set my mind on if i keep trying. By not letting me i feel like i am being robbed of the opportunity. I dont want to feel like im second ever. This is not a life worth living. They say either change ur circumstance or ur mind. O cant change the way i think and feel so that only means that i have to change my circumstance i have to beat it. Why cant he see that.