In AA/NA they talk a lot about having to hit rock bottom. You can’t truly change until you hit your bottom if I’m understanding this correctly? Well I guess everyone’s bottom is different so whatever is incites change is probably your bottom.
Mine was well may 2015 I was recently on the abilify injection and I overdosed on klonopin while living in a group home and ended up in the hospital. Then a week later I took shrooms, alcohol and drank coffee while on the 300 mg injection + 5 mg oral abilify. Well taking these drugs together was the worst thing I ever did I thought I wouldn’t comeback from this trip I was tripping all the time. Especially while driving I couldn’t drive. I needed klonopin. I went to rehab. I got kicked out of the first. I kept running i couldn’t stay still in one place but they kept letting me back in the rehab. My anxiety was so bad I was so crazy. Then he raised all my meds. 8 months sober was nothing to heal me from this. Until I started naltrexone that next December because I relapsed on alcohol and it wasn’t good I really hated it. Sometimes you do need to hit rock bottom to make a change. For me it was not being able to function I searched far and wide for answers for me it was the meds I take is what saved my life from my worst. It’s been 5 years since I hit my rock bottom it’s been improving for the most part since.
Maybe u haven’t hit your rock bottom yet. I used to feel that way and then I did. I didn’t even realize it happened till years later. Hopefully I never hit such a bad bottom again!
Rock bottom for me was sleeping on the floor of a trailer that had a hole in the side of it with a blanket tacked up over it, with no running water, with scorpions crawling all over me. I honestly thought I would die down there, and nobody would ever know.
My rock bottom (in the context of alchohol) was when I was still working. I was drinking 2 bottles of wine a night. I nearly got fired and so I went to AA as my career was so important to me.
Looking back I just got lucky and AA helped me quit. I remember the first meeting I was at thinking “what am I doing here I’m not an alchohlic”. But at the same time I thought alchohol was worth dying for.
Alcoholism and schizophrenia. 2 conditions where you lose insight.
Scorpions damn…one night when I ran from the rehab I slept in a bathroom at a beach. It was like August/September but it started pouring and lightning and GIANT bugs crawling on the wall that wasn’t the life I wanted… that was just 3 months after these bad drug experiences which neither were self harm attempts just stupidity. But it was a bad time and aftermath
I made some money doing nefarious things, threw a party for all my drug buddies. I remember having a small hill of mixed powders to my right, multitude of hallucinogens, a bottle of Czech absinthe, and a hooker.
I didn’t sleep for days, none of us did. I knew then I was an addict, but I didn’t care. I didn’t think I was worth more than that. And I thought the drugs helped.
I kept up that behavior for years before I finally found it in me to stay sober for myself.
Or the time I fished painpills I had just thrown up out of the toilet, so I could take them again and not waste them.
And if you combine meds with alcoholism you end up not only damaging your liver more but you black out too much. My best friend is schizoaffective and drinks heavily 4 days/nights a week. He doesn’t have a great of a memory anymore but he doesn’t seem to mind it’s sad but there’s nothing I can do it seems
I was in a home, hating everyone and everything and no motion in the ocean. I was frozen. I finally misbehaved until I got thrown out. It was all I could think of to do to change the situation. I then got my own apartment and slowly got a fragile yet more positive attitude.
I kicked myself out of my friends house and went to a womens shelter for a day, I ended up back at my moms afterwards for the umpteenth time. I was devastated. My relationship with my mother has improved drastically though and so has everything else.
im not sure, its hard to compare bc there have been around 3 or so and the differing time periods make it hard to compare…
first was when i was about 12, home had turned abusive years before, school meant harrassment bc my general personality + coming out as gay, was so done and depressed. ended up hospitalized for the first time, left public school, moved in w grandparents
second was when i was 16-17, got obsessed w a guy who was way too old for me, grandfather died, and the weird paranoia and quirkiness and perceptual stuff suddenly worsened badly and got more ominous, spent months incapable of functioning bc i was too paranoia and scared and upset and angry, eventually ended up on antipsychotics.
third was last fall/winter, age 19, left for college, had never had real world experiences so every little misstep socially exploded onto me, had a brief relationship but it was my first real one and i loved him so it ended and it mortally wounded me, did some really impulsive stuff and landed in the hospital twice in a month, after calming down impulses i spent months feeling so blunted and sick and dead, took months to get care established in the city i go to college in, medicine and my first good therapist saved my so much though
three very different feelings at three very different developmental stages, but it was all so bad