I sometimes experience severe psychological pain. I cant make it stop and my brain just keeps running in circles. Sometimes it gets so bad i feel like ripping my own face off. Or i bash my head against things, bite myself or scratch myself. It doesnt seem to matter what i do to try and prevent the pain. It is always there waiting for me.
We’re at the mercy of our meds for things like that. Are you on meds?
i’m sorry you are feeling like this. I know how you feel, I felt the same way when I was on risperidone the third time and then again when I was on high doses of invega. Have you spoken to a pdoc or a therapist about how you feel?
For some of the pain I went through, I knew no other strategy than to endure.
Jayster
No im not any meds right now. I cant get in to see a psychiatrist at the moment. Ive been waiting for at least 4 months just to get an appointment.
You woukd think i would be used to it by now since ive had these experiences since i was a young child. But im always hoping for an end in sight. Sometimes i even start to believe that it will never end and that sometimes things are no longer worth fighting for.
hang in there, doctors sometimes are hard to get ahold of. like my psychiatrist I have to set an appointment up to 2 months in advance. I hope you get in soon, have you seen the psychiatrist before maybe then they can prescribe some meds to help if not i’m sorry.
Yes i have seen one in the past but i didnt like the meds he prescrived ne so i stopped taking them. I felt like they were making me feel worse. Also at the time i still believed i could control things and that ot was my enviroment that was causing the issues. So i didnt believe i needed any meds. He ended up just revommending some youtube vid. Also i can come off really normal and ok even if im in a lot of pain. I think partky due to the fact that my health issues are not something that “happened” to me. Since i started experiencing things i believe around the age of 3. I had severe behavioural problems as a child and no doc would see me then. So my mom gave up.
Is there a crisis center around you, by any chance? In my city, they have a special “psych emergency room” for people who are self-harming. It’s barely hanging on due to lack of funding, but maybe your city has one?
In patient hospitalization, in my experience, sucks so much, but the medicine is a guarantee…no wait needed. Maybe you can tell them how you are hurting yourself uncontrollably without meds?
I have been waiting the same amount of time for my psych appt, too, but I have meds until then. I can’t imagine a four month wait feeling the way you do. I am sorry you are suffering like this.
meds are hard to deal with sometimes, that’s why you have to keep trying. I know its difficult. My brother was the same way as a child, they kept switching therapists until they found one what really connected with my brother. But he didn’t agree with them putting my brother on meds. My brother has bipolar disorder, ADHD and autism. The therapist, said wait until my brother was older than put him on meds.
Yes we have many i live in a big city. Unfortunately committing myself could potentially harm my life. I have a full time job that i attend and many classes and other activities that i attend to achieve certain goals that i have. So if i can avoif going in i will. Also like i said ive been suffering since i was very young. It foesnt seem to neccessarily get worse or better more like my issues tend to adapt and change with everything around me. Also it ebbs and flows. Some days, weeks, months are harder than others. My goals and things i want to achieve is what keeps me fighting through the pain so if i harm that i most likely will ho down a major downhill spiral.
My brother also has bipolar but he wont take his meds. Mostly just smokes a lot of dope. Its too bad really cause he struggles so much.
same with my brother, he stopped taking meds at 25 and smokes what he calls his medicine (weed) he is a real monster sometimes to our parents. My mom is certain that someday he will hurt our dad.
I am sorry. That really sucks, but I am glad that it ebbs and flows.
If you have to wait the four months, are there things that distract your mind from the psych pain? I used to take long three hour walks listening to music and that got rid of some of the restlessness, fear, paranoia, and self-loathing, at least temporarily.
On the bright side, at least you have a full time job and are also going to school!
Wishing for an easy four months for you!
Thats aweful im sorry to hear that. Illness is a really terrible thing and for some meds dont necessarilly helo the way they need them to or they believe they arent nessecary.
Thanks yea thats why i do so many different activities it does help. Can be rough when i go into these extremely negative modes i literally cant see anything else thats good. Its kind of scary cause i never know when it will happen or why. Just that it does. All i can do is try to hold on and not do anything rash.