When someone says "Oh, you wouldn't understand."

They really might mean that they don’t want to bother to explain it to you. Or can’t. Anyway, it really hurts when someone says that to me.

That’s understandable, but I doubt if it is meant in a mean way when someone says that to you.

Well, it makes me feel like I’m stupid and they don’t even give you a chance.

I’m sorry it makes you feel that way, but try not to beat yourself up with it. It’s best just to dismiss such things. If a person is that unfeeling you probably didn’t want to get to know them anyway.

It was information I wanted to understand. I felt I needed to know.

I guess that is a dismissive thing to say to another person. It’s best just to decide the person is a jerk, and you don’t want to get to know them.

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I guess I could always get my information from someone else.


They’re not worth feeling bad over. They’re in the wrong, not you. I think that statement mean they don’t understand it well enough to explain it. Let it go. They’re not that smart if they can’t come up with the ability to explain it

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If someone is saying that about a personal problem or issue that they have, I think that it’s probably not about you at all. When I don’t talk about things with other people because I don’t think that they would understand it’s always something that’s painful for me and I’m being self-protective. They may have been protecting something that’s painful or hard for them. It may be something that they’re just not ready to talk about in any depth.

If it’s about something that’s factual, then yeah, that’s dismissive and rude. Either way, it might be worthwhile to say something along the lines of, “When I asked you about X and you told me that I wouldn’t understand, I felt hurt. I genuinely want to understand this because I want to understand what’s important to you. You matter to me and I felt devalued.”

Well, we weren’t even friends so the “you matter to me” part wouldn’t work. But I think you’re right about it being a tender subject to the one in question.

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I can see why that wording would be hurtful, but if you’re not friends and it’s a tender subject for them I think that it really had nothing to do with you. Sounds like it’s a difficult thing for them to talk about, and I know that I have plenty of difficult things that I ONLY talk about with very trusted people.

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It was about a college class and I think she wasn’t doing well in school at that point so, you’re right, it probably had nothing to do with me.

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Me sometimes until I say why.

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