When romantic 'love' hurts so much is that really a love relationship

Lounge
1

As above.

I think I get attracted to the wrong guys.

Need to realise that type of romantic love is a lie?

Or is romantic love meant to make you stressed and hurt?

4 Likes
2

Like I donā€™t know if I agree with this song

1 Like
3

Yes, itā€™s supposed to make you stressed and hurt sometimes. I donā€™t know if youā€™ve been in horrible relationships or not but sometimes getting stressed and hurt in a relationship is normal.

1 Like
4

But if I feel stressed all the time during that relationship surely it canā€™t be true love, or?

5

I donā€™t know. It could be the relationship or it could be you.

1 Like
6

Yes it could just be non compatability, which means me too

7

I was pining over the ex-wife for at least a year. Used it as an excuse to get off my face every night on the whisky. But then there comes a time you gotta toughen up and move on.

That was true love. That was my family.

3 Likes
8

It could be non-compatibility or some kind of conflict, it could be that your partner isnā€™t being very nice to you, or it could be that you have issues with your own emotions that are unrelated to compatibility and your partner.

1 Like
9

Yea I need to think about this :sleepy:

2 Likes
10

At the end of the day, the way I see it atm is that stress is a signal that something is not quite right.

So if that is what constantly comes with some romantic love I feel, that canā€™t be romantic love, as something does not feel right.

Not blaming anyone.

Not even myself

It just is like that for some neutral reason.

11

Iā€™m talking about the chronic excessive type of stress

12

I think that can maybe be the reason sometimes. But I think more often stress isnā€™t a signal that youā€™re not in love or not compatible, but that you have some unresolved issues with yourself or with your partner. If you werenā€™t in love, you would probably know that something was missing. But itā€™s not always as easy to know what your own emotional issues are or how your partnerā€™s behavior is making you feel. So we often donā€™t see it when weā€™re not actually ready for relationships or are in fact in bad or abusive relationships.

The ā€œweā€™re not compatibleā€ phrase is a bit overused. People often say that when they donā€™t want to see their own issues or donā€™t want to hurt their partner by rejecting them.

1 Like
13

I see my issues of feeling ashamed and insecure around certain guys I ā€˜fall in love withā€™

Unfortunately I feel that these issues will always be there around certain people when it comes to ā€˜falling in loveā€™ with them.

I like to believe I can instead of ā€˜falling in loveā€™, grow in love, as in the process is reversed, in a more healthy way where Iā€™m not constantly stressed due to self shame and insecurity with the ā€˜falling in loveā€™ thing.
I donā€™t want to feel self shame,and insecurity, so I feel I need to go for a guy where Iā€™m initially not fallen in love, but instead the love grows with time.

Hopefully it might work,

Iā€™m kind of just pondering here.

But it might be an idea I go forward with, with conviction.

14

When youā€™re getting into a relationship it can help to wonder if youā€™re good enough for the other person, but you ALSO need to ask yourself if that person is good enough for you. A lot depends on what is available. You might be in a situation where you are surrounded by guys who are lazy, drunken louts. You have to ask yourself if one of them is worth investing your feelings in. I think some people think that any relationship is better than no relationship. Judging from some of the reports Iā€™ve been getting about some relationships that isnā€™t true.

1 Like
15

And you think thatā€™s fair to the guy?

1 Like
16

I donā€™t know

151515

17

Obviously, I will be clear in my communication right from the start

18

So it is up to the guy to do what he wants right?

19

I think sometimes if your significant other hurts you but makes amends thatā€™s part of a relationship. But if you feel that way constantly, itā€™s not a healthy relationship whether itā€™s you, them, or both.

2 Likes
20

From my experience good guys try and be romantic but it usually ends up just being sweet and sillyā€¦ There was one time David decided to get me flowersā€¦ He decided to go with plastic fake flowers but it was still sweet and his reasoning was he had seen me looking at and talked about using them in my wedding bouquet so he got them for me and that night I added them to my bouquet

3 Likes