When is tough love and harsh truths appropriate?

I’ve not been honest with my best friend of over twenty years.

She’s in a terrible relationship and I’ve been seeing the red flags for a while.

Smart woman, but refuses to see the light when it comes to romantic relationships.

Things have gone from big red flags to her just straight ignoring blatant signs.

We talked this morning and things are worse.

Should I tell her the hurtful truth?

I want to,

But am afraid.

I will be talking about the man she loves.

And I’m scared to cross the line.

Still, someone’s got to tell her like it is.

What would you do?


I think you should tell her the hurtful truth.

I imagine she already knows. You said she was smart. Sometimes women just get comfortable and don’t want change.

I’d just lay low until she decides on her own how she wants to play it…not worth risking your friendship over it.

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I have an idea of how she is being treated but if she is reasonably close by maybe try a girls night out with a good supper and then you can share your feelings. Doesn’t seem right to do it over the phone.


I agree with @ThePickinSkunk you should tell her but in a way that makes it obvious that you’re her best friend and have her best interest at heart.


Its hard to leave a toxic relationship.

The bad is something you know - fearing the unknown is scary and keeps people in bad relationships.

I think you should tell her. Being in a bad relationship, sometimes people are blinded by their feelings. They excuse bad behavior and red flags, often subconsciously, because they care about the other person in the relationship.

But they deserve to know the truth of their relationship. Since you see all the flags, it’s probably a good thing for you to tell them about the flags.

The truth hurts, but I think her dragging on a toxic relationship will hurt a lot more, in the long-term.

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Id leave it be. Shes smart she will change if she feels the need. Telling her what she may already know may just ruffle her feathers

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But use caution and tact. Try very hard not to let her get defensive.


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