What's your scariest [idea] or [delusion] of reference.. mine's hard to talk about

I was writing emails to someone on the opposite coast. She couldn’t have understood a ton, but I felt I was getting swarmed and teamed up on by people who at the very least were passively rooting for my demise.

In the email I kept referring to these ‘enemies’ as “pee-pee dancers” as in they couldn’t get their (twisted) form of release until I died.

This was psychosis.

Anyway I was off balance, visited a watering hole, ordered a drink,(didn’t drink it), but over heard someone say they’ll have “a Pinot”. You know like

"Pee; no."

I tipped a 10 spot because I thought I was saying to the bartender “You’re a ten”(It was gender neutral I had been doing a bit of this, to maintain likeability);

I left the bar and went to the store for smokes, the cashier’s name tag said “Mark” and I thought it was (For me!) saying I was in fact a target!

I was hospitalized the very next day… And while endlessly waiting for the social worker they offered me Rainbow Sherbert(sp). My mind interpreted this as

"Rain? Sure!".

It didn’t help that Adele’s “Set Fire to the Rain” was coming over the airwaves; this was 2012.

@anon39054230… this was my scariest time and I’ll always stay on meds… I hope the elaborate specifics of my psychosis assist you in your time. It can be so much better.

Look at me now… I’m Mr. Stay Puft, we know he doesn’t make it to the end of the movie(for one thing
: )). I’m not scared anymore of any of this.


I have a good history of dance lessons, and maybe recall to much of the movie “Passion of the Christ”. just bear with me…

I need this; you see I went to C.C.D(Sunday School) growing up and later went to an all boys catholic high school, so I know that Pontious Pilate(P.P.) was an important figure in the history… anyway.

It was his initials I kept seeing out there, and I was too scared to say it explicitly, but I was emailing a girl who I thought could help, who I thought was helping, and I referred to MY unhealthy state of being, as being, monitored by the aforementioned: “pee pee dancers.”

What actually happened:
is that I was quite akin to the fat kid in Goonies where he confesses every last thing about himself starting in 2nd grade(give or take).

The girl on the opposite coast kept my secrets, I really believe and she was representing the hope in the equation and if I’m being kind, she may be responsible for saving my life, just by her being out there.

She is remarkable; so it shouldn’t be any wonder I was drawn.

But as my mother said; I need to leave this girl in my past.

And I have it just took an embarrassing amount of time, tbh.

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I’m glad I’ve never been that paranoid, though some things are similar. I really think mine is a reaction to abusive people.

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