I’m sort of cheating here because I’m not ready to talk about mine yet (it doesn’t involve sex or anything like that, just so you know). Looking back it’s not guilt or shame that I feel but sadness and compassion (but not strictly self-pity) towards myself. It’s not something I’ve ever discussed with any doctor or therapist. I did share once a watered down version of an incident, and the therapist thought I was entitled to forgive myself, she wasn’t judgemental at all. Have you done anything horrible in your life?
Flipped out during psychosis from piracetam and violently attacked my dad. Barely hurt him but I weakened the dura mater in my head, which eventually just tore and made the next 5 or so years a living hell for myself.
Imagine the worst headache ever that never goes away. For 5 years.
You mean literally? Is this why you’re so committed to the brain inflammation theory of sz?
stole sh@t from walmart. long time ago.
I walked naked thru a corn field…It wasn’t really a choice to have cloth on or not at the time…
I tell the truth and they started to think me im crazy.
I had SZ before that. The headache was just the icing on the misery cake.
At the time, it didn’t seem so bad.
But I’ve realized how bad it was now. Me and my friends were fishing at the local ponds. We were headed home and we saw this little kid fishing by himself. He was probably 10 years old and we were about 13. We went down to talk to him and he had a bunch of really nice “lures”. Really fancy ones.
One of us took one and then all three of us started taking some. The kid started crying and we left with most of his “lures” and some other fishing stuff. Wow, now it sounds so mean but that wasn’t typical of us. We didn’t do that all the time.
maybe the most worst thing was when i cursed my teacher.
I’ve done many horrible horrible things in my life.
Got on pretty hardcore drugs and had to go to rehab,
Neglected my family at times,
Didn’t disclose my mental illness in my pre adoption papers because I didn’t want my fetus being discriminated against,
No longer worship god because of my mental illness,
I don’t know,
I can’t think of more off the top of my head.
i got drunk working the drive through of fazoli’s one evening when i was 20 years old. i was drinking scotch mixed with some orange soda. then i drove home. not proud of that.
also i punched a cop in jail one time, but im rather proud of that.
When i was a child i bullied - only verbal - another child called Peter because he was overweight and always snotty. Whenever we cycled by him we shouted “Snotty Peter” or “Fatty Peter”
I think about him often and regret deeply. In my life it’s nothing compared to stealing in shops or doing drugs, i have done that too. No one was hurt by doing that. But "Snotty Peter was hurt.
I one time tried to pull a prank my freshman year of high school, which I did a lot until my onset, but this one was actually bad.
My English class was doing some PowerPoint to present, and most of my close friends were in one group and I was like by myself. So, I thought it would be funny to act like the hacker group anonymous hacked into the PowerPoint. I even created a fake email and somehow got access to their PowerPoint and invited my alias email account to the work.
Well, they found out and while my friends thought it was funny, (kind of) the school and my parents were not so enthralled. Here I was, 14 years old, crying like a baby when my dad got home from work. Luckily, the school didn’t do much because it was like three days away from the end of the year. I felt like I had commited an unpardonable sin. My class was stalled for three days to undo the damage I caused. All while I was home “sick” for three days.
Sorry for the book
When I was in college I wrote a poem in theater class and was made to read it in front of the class ---- my poem was about love, right then and there a girl asked me out, a very pretty and attractive girl, i told her in plain damn English, being put in the spotlight I blurted ‘no, because you are ugly’ the whole class went silent, she cried ----- I never forget that or forgave myself for it
Ahhh, you lost it there. I’m sorry.
I haven’t always been a nice person. I’ve said and done some pretty nasty things. All of it was pre psychosis too, so I really had no excuse
When I was seven years old I peed in a fanta can and gave it to my best friend to drink. I thought it was funny, but it wasn’t. This incident sticks in my mind as the first horrible thing I ever did.
That’s really your worst ever? You’re a good man.
One for the ladies.