What's real?

Yeah but my hallucinations light up words on the screen to tell me specific things. Even manifested writing on a lamp and on my coffee table. I didn’t have to search for meaning. It was direct and specific to me and my life.

The week I started hallucinating my hallucination told me to bring my daughter to the window and look up at the sky. I hallucinated various family members in the clouds as my daughter pointed at them and named them one by one. I said nothing but my arms got tired holding her after a while so I got browned off and we sat down.

Later it told me it was going to give my daughter something. She lay on her back on the sofa giggling, squirming and laughing looking at the ceiling rapturously. I didn’t see anything that time and my hallucination wouldn’t tell me what it was showing her.

When I hallucinated the dead the dog would cower away from them shaking and barking and whimpering at them. Whenever I hallucinated flashing lights it would nearly jump out of its skin.

Your daughter pointed at clouds and named your family members, the dog was just acting like a dog. You can be certain that hallucinations and delusions are not a special ability

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But what about these things?

@anon84461028 @Mr_Hope

You can consider them delusions i guess. I used to have delusions where i would have a theory and i would see a diagram or picture or text in a book that in my mind proved it was correct.

I cant be sure exactly what is going on in his mind but a number of things are possible. For instance his memory might be taking things from the present and suggesting they are memories or as in my case the idea he had and the thing he is proving it with are completely unrelated but there is a problem with thought formation and interpretation. Honestly im just speculating but the speculation is based on the certainty that sz is not an ability but a disibility

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So a dog definitely reacting to hallucinatory lights and following the hallucinations of the dead around my living room is nothing then?

Also I don’t have any special powers. I’m just a normal down to Earth bloke. The hallucinations started after my late father visited me in a dream and I challenged him for talking in riddles instead of being direct.

The shrink said they were powers too. I don’t see that. Its just stuff that happens.

Also the night my hallucination told me everything would be positive from here on out the spirits of the dead visited me, people who helped me in some way. Tom Petty, Robert Shaw, a man who bullied me in prison etc…all smiling at me peacefully. That was on January. My hallucination has nearly completely healed my PTSD by bringing up buried positive memories from decades before I was ill.

The living are still images such as a beautiful woman whose image I kept in my mind as I went through the hell of PTSD. The mother of a woman I loved in childhood etc…

Well when I defeated my negative hallucinations by realising they were aspects of my psyche and not demonic that’s when the sentence ‘Cosmic joke, Jesus was pulling your leg’ appeared on my coffee table. That was the evening of the night the dead first came to me.

Its only natural to try and make what we experience seem meaningful and connected but all meanings of anything are simply created in your own mind and the only thing connecting anything are the connections you make yourself. If you have sz the safest thing is to just think that this experience is simply schizophrenia and that you should doubt the things you think. Drawing definite conclusions about sz experiences that validate them will only cause further detachment from reality. Doubt and skepticism are important tools for szs but mainly when they are directed against your own thoughts. I think its good you are talking about your experiences but the certainty that you have about them should not be so strong given that they are caused by mental disorder

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What certainty? The reason I’m posting here is because I don’t believe it. Also what connections am I making? Tom Petty’s music got me through the last four years. Robert Shaw was a man from childhood I admired. The bully forced me to stand up for myself in prison. Even Lemmy from Motorhead showed up because I love his version of Louie Louie, it propels me to saunter forward…always did.

The sentence on my table was based on a joke I made to a woman back in 1998. It meant forget organised religion and focus on spirituality.

They ain’t connections their specific.

There loads more too.

Also how is it an illness if its healing me? That’s the opposite of sickness no?

Also remember that scene in the original Ghostbusters where the arms come out of the chair? That scared the crap out of me as a kid. My hallucination told me to relax as arms came to grab me out of my sofa. Said they weren’t real and to accept that. So I chilled out and they faded. It made me confront all my fears. Just the fear of heights left now really…

One time in bed I missed the touch of a woman ( I’m single ). I hallucinated a woman running her hands gently over my back.

I really don’t get it tbh.

Yet I function grand. I can work, have fun etc and my hallucinations are subtle and mostly only appear in my home accept the lights and some birds. The birds represent a poem I wrote about Heaven once. Love that stuff…

I guess Im responding to your suggestion that the hallucination/ sz is an ability that helps you in various ways and my response was simply that you are making it meaningful and connecting it to positive things and that you should doubt that it is an ability that is helping and curing you. But maybe if youre functioning ok then maybe its not such a major problem for you. Im just relating my experience which is different from yours. I have no hallucinations and other symptoms.

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That’s cool. But you have to understand I’m not searching for meaning or making connections. Every time I reach a conclusion in myself about some negative aspect of myself the lights flash all around me intensely and then guide me through writing and browsing to see the positives in what I perceived as negative.

Also sometimes it guides me to say something meaningful to someone I care about.

It also let’s me know when I’m being greedy or whatever.

Lots of stuff.

Also the hallucinations stopped for 6 years after the initial week of them when I was first diagnosed. When they came back I was already extremely traumatised after that first week of them. I learned to propel the negative hallucinations over time and now everythings good in the hood you know?

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This happens to other schizophrenics right? The healing?

creed-bratton-the-office

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What do you mean I’m not real? I’m just here to trade experiences with other schizophrenics. I show all the symptoms of it, been diagnosed paranoid schizophrenic by doctors. I have a care team, restrictions placed on my life etc…

They say it started in 2010 when I met a woman and fell in love. They say she was a delusion.

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Lol its not a personal attack. … it’s just a funny clip from a TV show called the office. Didn’t mean anything by it mate. :laughing::laughing::laughing:

Oh yeah…I’ve been prescribed two ten mg pills of Olanzapine daily but I don’t bother taking them. Meds never worked for me. They just ruined my sex drive and made me gain weight.

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Really dang I hope you can at least find some kind of herb that may take the edge off…best of luck in your healing journey

That’s cool the_fool. Lol Does your illness help you like mine does?

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Uhhh I mean I believe there are good voices and bad voices… i do my best to not listen to the bad voices. They can be tricky… they can pretend to tell the future by simple observation of what’s going on in the world …and tell you that information as if thy predicted the future. Bad hallucinated voices do not know the future and are not helpful to us though they might deceive us into thinking so. I hope you are doing well and continuing to cope with what’s you’re experiencing. Have a nice day

A know another schizophrenic in love with a woman who is apparently a delusion.

He is Hermann Hesse’s principal character in the book and movie Steppenwolf.