What would you do

There is someone powerfully evil. And for some reason he is bent on unleashing that evil on you. He’s tortured you since you were a very little child. He’s killed your friends and family over and over, somehow bringing them back to life so he can kill them in front of you again in different ways. He kills you and tortures you and does things to terrify you. When you get older you get stronger and you can hurt him however you want but he just laughs and finds it funny when you do. Even if you kill him he just comes back. You try to just ignore the things he does and not be bothered by them but he keeps finding things that are more and more terrible than before and it’s just impossible. What do you do…what do you do…no one can stop him and you can’t either…

Are you okay @Anna

Find out the reason he is bent on unleashing that evil on you, then remove the cause and repair the damage.

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I’d keep searching for an antipsychotic. That sounds like a horrific state of mind to be in. :anguished:

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Once, years ago, I had a vision where I was standing before a throne. On the throne was a creature with the Body of a well dressed man, and a head which flashed back and forth between many different kinds of beasts, a lion, a crocodile, a bear…etc. It’s body was swarming with insects. And I asked it “Why me?” And it said “Why not”

It is difficult to focus on healing when you are still being tormented

No I am not

@everhopeful Would an antipsychotic stop nightmares…

I’ve never really had nightmares so don’t know.

Did you stop taking your antidepressant?

I am still on it but not at a therapeutic dose yet. Had a period where I forgot to take it for like 2 weeks straight and also had to lower my dose right after going up due to the urinary issues so it is taking forever to get there.

Really it’s the ptsd that’s wrecking me right now. It also really honestly feels like there is a very cruel entity who for no reason in particular has decided to make my life hell.

My parents don’t even know. They don’t have a clue of the hell I’ve been through. I can’t tell them anything because they don’t get it and drive me crazy.

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Abruptly stopping an antidepressant like you did for 2 weeks can cause nightmares.

Get to a theraputic dose as soon as you can.

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I’ve been back on it for like 3 weeks now though. Hmmm and I’ve been having terrible nightmares for 3 weeks…interesting…thank you for telling me that that does make me feel better.

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I had this exact problem once and what I did was dissociate.

Just the other day I caught myself getting hysterical about a missing spoon, but rather than dissociate this time I was mindful and thought about it and I realised that I wasn’t upset about the spoon, but I was upset about something else and deflecting my frustrations onto the spoon. I couldn’t have discovered this for myself if I had dissociated, so it is not a good solution. I eventually found the spoon. #happyending

But if dissociation is the only thing left then it will happen.

I used to have serious problems with dissociation. It doesn’t happen as often anymore, or at least doesn’t happen as intensely.

I guess I have been really spacy though. When I get this way it makes me want to hurt myself to bring myself back to my body and the world.

This is strange to me, but my GF does it too, pulls her hair or bangs her head against a wall. I find it alarming!

For me I found dissociation comforting and welcomed it and was sad when it ended. I always was a daydreamer.

Similar thing with nightmares oddly, I wake up sweating but the emotions in the nightmare were so strong that I am oddly fond of them. Real life can be so bland at times in comparison.

I hope you find some relief soon Anna.

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There is a disorder called nightmare disorder.

It’s usually treated with prazosin and a therapy called IRT.

It can be associated with withdrawal from anti depressants or anti depressants themselves. Also alcohol and some other medications.

Sleep deprivation can also cause it, because life is f*cked up that way.

Well considering I’ve had a mix of all of those things lately who knows. I had my ptsd symptoms set off something fierce by a book I was reading so that could be it too.

What a mess. Couldn’t tell if I was having flashbacks or voices today really. I was in and out of reality.

I hate vivid dreams and I’ve been having nightmares lately that are super vivid.
I’m not used to having dreams I remember, I always smoke cannabis and that eliminates my memory of my dreams. Now that I’ve been off cannabis for a week though, dreams are coming back and I hate them so much.
I know that like practically every sz has adverse reactions that cause extreme paranoia, delusions, hallucinations, etc…to cannabis, so don’t do what I do. Cannabis is super triggering to many who suffer from psychosis and the only reason I can tolerate is because I have been smoking fairly consistently since age 17. is not advocating cannabis for sz’s,

I’m sorry you are having these horrible experiences. That sounds awful. I, wish there was a powder like l-theanine, like a naturally occurring substance, that blocked the memories of dreams. Thoughts are with you!
Maybe you can journal your feelings? When I was sick, keeping a journal helped to vent while grounding me. I’d often write three pages a night!

Here’s an article that explains what IRT therapy is

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Mostly now I vent online. I used to write all the time and sometimes still do but im afraid to now because all of my family has admitted that at some point they’ve snuck into my room and read my journals. It’s a bad invasion of privacy for me and I wish they wouldn’t do that.

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