What to do with the anger

I usually find my anger turning on me as the target. I don’t know what else to do with it. I’ve been complaining on this forum but I’m finding I don’t want to. We are tender emotionally and throwing stones, even if they’re not aimed at us, is not good.

Me for decades, chordy. I damned near alienated everyone who mattered. And did alienate those who mattered most.

I learned how from my mother.

I feel for you, notmoses. It is like telling the world to spin the other way to turn us around.

Only for so long as we continue to believe… in belief.

When I gave up belief in favor of just looking to see, everything got better in a hurry.

You just have to count to ten before you blow up at someone and in doing so you dissipate much of it’s energy. You can actually absorb this kind of energy that nobody wants or is able to naturalize and then be able to convert it into a different form of positive energy that can be used to benefit others. Our first natural instinct is to give it right back to the person who is, or we think is directing it at us.

I see disappointment in myself. Expecting too much for my condition.

Aren’t “disappointment” and “expecting” interpretations or appraisals of (supposed, but not actual) “reality” based on – or “filtered through” – one’s beliefs?

I secretly made an invalid of myself with a suicide attempt. No one know about the change so their expectations did not change, but my ability did. I could not communicate this.

I ruined my life and my reputation in the '90s. “I” was a total mess for almost a decade, and then a sort of “semi-mess” for another few years. (“I” can still be a mess on occasion.)

So I learned enough about my self – and how the world actually works (as opposed to the way most of us were taught to believe it works) – to get up out of some of the holes “I” had dug myself into even though I understand and accept that I will never get out of all of them.

That’s the way it is. So I live in accordance with that. Because to live in the hope that “I” will ever be something I am not is nothing but locking myself up in a mental torture chamber. BTDT, and I’m not doing it again.

What’s BTDT???

Been There, Done That.