Without going into detail, I have a lot of things I find arousing that are morally terrible. It’s practically like I have a fetish for evil. I have general ideas of why I am this way now but it doesn’t really make me feel any better about it. I know I didn’t choose these preferences but it doesn’t make me feel any less guilty for having them.
Is anyone else ashamed of what arouses them? Or wish they could change it? I feel too embarrassed to even bring it up in therapy, but it is a serious issue I have.
Yeah the antipsychotics I was on used to really lower my libido which was a huge relief to me. But I had to go off them because of other side effects that were dangerous. Sometimes I feel so awful about what I get off to it triggers my psychosis/ptsd.
Excellent, perhaps talk to a doctor, perhaps there is a way to lower the libido
without the harmful side effects.You can also try looking for info on the internet.
The frustrating thing is that I do enjoy masturbation. I never act on any of the bad things but they inevitably end up coming into my fantasies/stuff I look at online. Am I supposed to give up on masturbation/orgasm forever because what I get off to isn’t morally sound?
that is for you to decide.
It depends on whether you regard yourself as a principled person, or a person without principles.
I think that having principles and values is a very good thing, it imbues life with meaning.
I think that if you feel that the things you masturbate over contradict your values,
it is better for you to give up masturbation than give up your values.
that’s my opinion. @Anna
You should try to accept your sexual desires as they are. As far as I know, you can’t change them, and “evil” sexual desires are not immoral unless you act on them. I used to be ashamed of my sexual desires too. A lot of them would be immoral to act on and a lot of them would be very bad for me to act on. But eventually I stopped feeling guilty and ashamed because I accepted myself and my sexuality and kept telling myself that having bad desires does not make me bad.
I once worked with a guy who had schizophrenia and had a smoking fetish. I don’t think I should go any further. You might know what I’m getting at, anyway.
I’ve tried that approach for a long time but it just doesn’t change the feeling of disgust I get with myself after I get off to something terrible. Makes me feel weak, and that if I was more righteous I would basically do what Erez said and give it up altogether.
I also have unusual preferences. What I do now is research the porn I look at ahead of time, to make sure the actors are all legit and being treated well and not exploited. That way, I know nobody is actually being hurt by my strange preferences. It is possible to find ethical kinky porn. You just have to pay for it.
I also met a whole bunch of folks in the local kink/fetish circle who have helped me to accept that my preferences are nothing bad or shameful. It is very common for survivors of sexual abuse to grow up with very atypical preferences. Since your psychosis was largely centered around hallucinations of sexual abuse, I’m pretty sure you fall into this category. For survivors, kinky sexual preferences are generally born from a desire to take back control of their sexuality. They can also be a result of having weird things associated with sex at a young age.
Maybe you should talk to a psychologist about it so you can explore the reasons why you’re not able to let go of the shame and guilt. I can’t think of any other reasonable solution to this than to somehow learn to let go of those feelings. Chemical castration seems extreme and complete celibacy might be more harmful than helpful. I think trying to repress these feelings might increase the guilt and be bad for your self-esteem every time you fail to do so. You shouldn’t feel weak or less righteous than others just because you have desires that you feel are objectionable, and this to me suggests that you need to try to think differently about your desires. After all, it is how you think about it that determines how you feel about it.
I get that a lot, sometimes.
try hanging out with people who have the same sexuality that you have.
usually those people will understand you and respect you.
anna… I think you are a straight girl inside who has embraced attempting to understand ■■■■ while sexually unfulfilled…
don’t hold what you feel now as permanent…
Sexuality is strange… there are multiple things that don’t lead to arousal that still prompt the mind to a genital focus…
I honestly see sex as two separate mechanisms of need… orgasm being one… and then actual lust… lust is just straight up arousal and want… no orgasm included…
I’d love to try and help you sort the stack out regarding your contemplations on this… but that’s on you… I don’t think it should be done public-ally.
Erez is always asking for sympathy while lacking being sympathetic to those with sexual impulses…
Sorry anna… I got stock in you… want you to be better than it too… You infrequently but strongly mention issues with sex… and really just know it’s alright…
what happens in the mind is not a concern to anyone… trust me…
also… so long as it’s between consenting adults… the world can’t give a ■■■■ at all… it wouldn’t want too… we’re either freaks or know a freak we like… and you anna… you’re getting dragged down over the nature of comprehending it all…
you’re a girl genius… I’m sorry… just know you ain’t alone…
gawd dame… ain’t a god damn thing we can’t see in here
Maybe you can get a book about human sexuality to sort through these problems and fantasies.
I think we all have fantasies and desires that disturb us, perhaps some more so than others. But in the end human sexuality is a very sensitive topic for just about everyone.
I personally feel a lot of impulses and desires in this subject run a long range of a spectrum that change over time.
Some fantasies and desires are finite, and some are constantly there.
Anyways, I hope you find the peace you need. Take care
I’m strangely attracted to statues of Joan of Arc. I can’t explain it, I think it’s just the thought of a French women dressed in chain mail that somehow arouses me.
Plus, she would have been very, very handy to take camping when you want to toast marshmallows. But unfortunately, only once.
usually I don’t side with Erez, but his first post is a reasonable solution. in fact, that is sometimes one of the only solutions for some men who prey on women.
there are some things that a person can take, to help lower libido. I’ve even heard of some people surgically removing their libido.
if the sexuality problem is severe, then controlling the libido is an option and sometimes a vital one.
You should bring this up in therapy. After all, if it wasn’t for guilt psychology would go out of business.
A scene from Torch Song Trilogy (1988):
Ed: You know, I’m not sure the sex we had was always as good for me as it was for you. Sometimes it was a little wild, out of control.
Arnold: And that’s…bad?
Ed: It’s not what I want.
Arnold: Funny. It’s what I pray for.
