What to do...need advice and help

I have two children both before I had my full on sz break down…one of them is mine and my gfs…my other is from a failed marriage… So his mom has him and I get him every other weekend…anyway…I have fallen behind on my child support…I have a court date in august…I have applied for disability…and waiting on them to decide…I also have gotten a phone appointment with a lawyer monday…were struggling with bills and I’m worried I will end up in jail in august if I don’t get approved or denied and then my lawyer can get it for me…

The jails around here won’t let you visit your doc or give you your meds…just a couple days off meds and I lose my ■■■■…I’m stressing out…and its making my d.I.d. act up…what the ■■■■ am I supposed to do…

This is one of the more personal post I’ve made…I try to be light hearted but this is stressing me to the point I blacked out yesterday at my friends house and left and was found wandering up the road in 28° weather mumbling to myself…

My cousin who is bipolar and has a hard time keeping a job. He fell behind on child support for his oldest daughter. So he made a deal with the court. He spends every weekend in jail until the child support is paid off. I know it’s not ideal

Yeah, you are usually so positive. Tough break. IDK. Maybe just slow down, catch your breath, and don’t panic. Lots of problems are solvable with help, support, self-restraint, level-headedness, and your wits.

“Hope for the best but prepare for the worst”.

Can your lawyer do something to work out the money problem with a judge? Can you negotiate as a “hardship case” or something to make smaller payments temporarily? Judges can sometimes see that some people are struggling and try to work with them when they see that jail will make a problem worse. They don’t cut murderers and rapists breaks but maybe they might show some compassion for a good citizen who is struggling. Maybe this is naive advice, I’m not sure. I wish you luck though @flameoftherhine


I also have gotten a phone appointment with a lawyer monday

Make sure you tell him what you’ve told us about meds etc. I’m sure he’ll put your mind at rest.

I don’t know how the legal system works in the states, but I do have a good feeling that you’re doing the right thing with this lawyer.

It sounds really stressful. But it’ll be ok in the end.

Thank you all for the comments…made me feel a little better…I think I’ll feel better Monday after I talk to the lawyer too…

Let the authorities know that you intend to pay your child support, and that putting you in jail would just be a waste of your time and the taxpayer’s money. Maybe if you could make partial payments, as a gesture of good faith, it would help keep the authorities off your back.


Hey, I just did some reading on this. Jail time in your location is generally only ordered if there have been multiple complaints filed and it can be demonstrated that the person has the funds to pay but is wilfully withholding them. Jail time is ordered in increments of 10 days.

This doesn’t sound like your situation. Talk to your lawyer. They’ll have suggestions - maybe you can get a reduction based on your situation or temporary relief until you can get a source of income settled. August is a long way away, and if you’ve struck some arrangement or are able to make some part of the payments, jail seems really unlikely. It’s a last resort.


Don’t know about where you live, but I worked for the courts here, jail is usually reserved for those who are trying to get out of paying, like working for cash, hiding assets and so on, Doubt they would put you in jail for being in the position you are. Talk to the lawyer and bring copies of all supporting documents, like applications etc.

Try to focus on being a good dad , as thats one of the things they look at, if you are making a effort in every way you can, I doubt they would send you to jail.


I have no legal advice to offer, but listen to @rhubot because she knows all about this kind of stuff. You’re trying your hardest and they should take that into account. Jail time for you would harm your kids, so they shouldn’t want to do that. Just show them you’re trying your best. And good call on gettin a lawyer.

I didn’t see this when you first posted it. I hope you’re feeling better about your situation. There’s some good advice on here, and I do think you’ll feel better after getting clarity from a lawyer.
I used to stress so badly during my divorce/custody battle that I would shake uncontrollably and thought I might just spontaneously combust… I learned something at that time that helped. Every time I would have a nightmare conversation with my ex, or get papers from his lawyer that had lies and threats, I learned to say to myself “nothing is changed today, and nothing is changed tomorrow”. Meaning that no matter what words are exchanged or threats made, I don’t have to react or feel like it’s the end of the world because as of that moment nothing had changed.
I don’t think you’ll end up in jail. Be completely honest about your situation and you’ll be ok. Deep breaths and stay in the moment. :heart:


I’m sorry you’re facing this really hard situation.

Can you explain to your lawyer that you’re the primary carer for your little one? Be honest about everything you have said here and I hope that goes in your favour.

Hey @flameoftherhine. It sounds like you’re have a rough time and feeling a lot of stess and worry. I’m glad that you’re consulting an attorney. Definitely let the attorney know your situation and the specifics about your disability and how that impacts your ability to work right now. Ask your attorney how child support amounts are established in your state—for example, is it based on a percent of your income? What happens if you can’t work due to disability?

Is there a possibility of getting 50/50 custody of your older son ( if you and your gf are up to caring for two little ones that is)? That way maybe the monetary child support would be reduced. Something to consider discussing with your attorney.

I’m sure youre feeling better after all the good advice on this thread. Hopefully you won’t black out again. Plan out your weekend with soothing things to do until your phone meeting on Monday. Just get through and you’ll have good news waiting with your lawyer. Keep us posted. Everything will be fine.