Schizophrenia.com

What they thought

I’m realizing what some people must have been thinking about me. They thought I was trying to auction my soul to the highest bidder, and that I was willing to sacrifice any principle to get what I wanted, and because of that I deserved to be pimped out to old men. It happened like this: I took a controversial stand on a political issue. The people who I was opposing were the people who would have been my peers if I hadn’t taken that stand. So, I was hanging out with this guy who wasn’t the type to have strong political opinions. We were roommates, and we both liked to drink beer. My stand on this controversial issue came from my best thinking about this issue, and it had nothing to do with personal advancement. I started to see a psychiatrist, and I think the psychiatric community saw me as a person who would auction off his soul to the highest bidder. I got sent to a private psychiatric hospital. I was 28 at the time, and they put me on a ward for adolescent guys. These guys were virulently misogynistic. At the time I wondered why they sequestered me from women so much, because at that time I could have benefited from interacting with women in a non threatening environment. It wasn’t until over a decade later I realized that their treatment plan for me was to turn me gay, and that was why they sequestered me from women. Their belief about me was that I always took the path of least resistance, and when I realized I had to be gay to get anything out of life I wouldn’t hesitate to fall in with the gays. They read that situation so wrong. I have been fighting this pressure for decades now, and they still think they have the right to human traffic me. Things could turn out very badly for me. There are a lot of bad outcomes, but I’m hoping I will get through this okay.

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