Alright so i went off my meds, or am late for my injection (only by a week) and now im having delusional thoughts… or atleast i hope they are delusions because if they represent reality im in some real trouble.
Basically two-three days ago i did DPH (diphenhydramine), about 3000 mg over two days and i lost an entire days memory… for all i know i could still be tripping or maybe i died and am now in some void in space, no idea.
So im just concerned that i am still alive and actually hurt someone. I have no memory or evidence that i hurt anyone… but its a strong feeling i have and all o can think right now is that i should kill myself before i eventually get locked up and forced to live in this horrid mind of mine.
Going to the hospital seems way to embarressing and risky because i dont want to get locked up forever. I think its time to call it in and cut my loses before i lose the choice. Who knows, maybe existence is less cruel after this one ends.