What’s Happening?

Am I going crazy? I don’t like the word crazy when speaking of mental health or a lack there of. It’s the word that fits for me right now though. Sometimes I’ll bang my head, hit it with something, or use my hands or fists to hit myself. Usually it’s when the “voices” won’t shut up and things get loud. I know it’s technically a form of self-harm and I know it’ll hurt afterwards. I’m not doing it to hurt myself though. I do it because I’m not sure what else to do. I just want it to stop. Other times I just get random urges to do it. I don’t understand why and I feel as though I am going crazy. I don’t understand why my brain…if this brain is mine has turned against me. Well, it’s never really been with me in the first place. I’m just so confused and I have been for the majority of my life honestly. I’m a 22 year old college student with both psychiatric and physical chronic illnesses. Life has been anything except easy. I just want to be “normal” whatever that is. Why can’t I just be “normal”? Is that too hard to ask for? At the beginning of this I was in the spot of random urges to bang my head and as I typed this out it’s been switched to the “voice” telling me stuff going along with hitting and/or banging my head. I’m lost and just want to understand what’s becoming of me.

This happens to me as well. I get urges to self harm by cutting or banging my hands against my head. I get confused too. But these feelings do pass. They come and go. I think distraction helps. Like music or talking with someone. Or coming onto here to share :blush:

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Thank you for the validation. It’s nice to know I’m not alone. Also, love the name “barefoot vegan”. I’m vegan so it made my heart smile.

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I used to self harm when my anxiety became unmanageable. It’s when your stress exceeds your coping skills. It happens to lots of people.

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