What recovery means to Minnii

I was a good child, when I was a kid, smart and happy, even with the amount of problems I had to face.

I started developing symptoms very early, mostly paranoid, and had a fixation about my make belief world that I lived like in a double life for many years.

Had big issues with my father, alcoholic and unmedicated bipolar that I found out very recently probably abused me, from things my mom told me a week ago.

I grew up in China, and when I came to Portugal there was this completely different living situation, my mother (now assumes) neglected me at that point in time, and I started hanging out with a gang and stealing and doing drugs, I was about 13/14 when that started.

Then, to take me out of that enviornment my mom sent me to live up north with my dying grandmother and I started to become an alcoholic then.

Then I moved back to Lisbon and started doing hard drugs, being rebellious, skipping classes, abusive relationships and all that other stuff I talked about before here on the forum, quatting houses, wondering the city, stealing food, all the stuff that marked me and made me weaker and triggered my psychotic break.

When I was in the hospital, and I think I told this already, I had a moment of clarity and decided to quit drugs and alcohol. I kept that promise to myself, I came back to my mom’s apartment and reunited my family ties. Asked for forgiveness for my erratic behavior and was forgiven.

I was still in denial, or anosognosia, but took my Zyprexa and went to the nurses office to get my monthly shot, religiously and without fault. Given that I was kinda affraid to go back to the hospital, I lied a bit to the doctors and they said my recovery was fast but it wasn’t. I still struggle with my grandiose delusions, I still struggle with mood swings, I still struggle with residual paranoia, and I still struggle with my sobriety even though that’s easier now.

Then I found this forum, and met some incredible people that make their lives worth it, that struggle but never give up, that go look for ways to better themselves and that made me feel small at first.

Here I was, fresh out of denial, still trying to figure out what this illness means to me, what it means to my life, my future, and to my family.

Then the topic of recovery came along, and I got it. No more drugs and alcohol, no more erratic behavior, no more not giving a crap about my mental illness and taking all the means necessary to live a better life than I lived before. It’s not that difficult, but it envolves more time thinking on ways I can become better instead of ways I can self destruct. That’s what recovery means to me and it’s possible.

It’s a given, with this illness I can relapse and things can get worse, but I’ll dust it off and start over.

There are a lot of inspirational people for me here and I thank the Potato God to have found this forum, and for it being recovery oriented, whatever that means to people.

Sorry for being on a bad mood recently, but things will get better for me. I’ll go to Amsterdam in a few days and keep up posting the Positive Messages of the Day :upside_down:

Thank you for reading, have a great day!



I never knew that your language can be so simple to read and easy to understand.

Now I can read your heart. :blush:


What a lovely phrase


You’ve really been through a lot! I’m glad you made the decisions you did to get better. Recovery sometimes feels like a uphill battle. I no longer have too many positive symptoms but this illness still effects my everyday life. I don’t really feel like I’m living because most times all I do is stay in the house. It takes unbelievable determination to do simple chores or care for myself. I don’t even have motivation to do things I enjoy. But I still try to push myself. All we can do is keep pushing a head. Just take small steps each day and when you look back you will be a lot further ahead. Good luck!! :sunny:


great Minnie, never give up! you are a true help for me :slight_smile: me, its kind a different situation cause I really think my mind is ■■■■■■ up… i remember some of my childish experiences when i was derealizated in a real different world, closed up in my mind where everything wasn’t normal, closed up un my fantasies… quite strange thing :/… i was a quiet kid who never talked much and now i have issues with that (cognitives symptoms?)… i forget, i don’t understand etc etc but ill struggle too :slight_smile: i want to believe the docs that this illness gets better with time, isn’t it? :slight_smile:
maybe the next life will be easier, or not. who knows? heh, take care :slight_smile:


Wow. You’ve fought through a lot. You are truly a strong person and an inspiration. I hope you have a fun trip, as well.

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Thanks for everything Minnii

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15151515151515 hugs

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You’ve overcame a lot, Minnii. I hope things get a little easier for you and I hope your obvious intelligence will help you carve out a little something for you in your life.


Wow guys thank you for all the kind words!

@SunGirl I have issues with that too, I’m working with my therapist on that, at least do one thing a day, get out of the house at least once everyday even if its raining. There are good days and bad days… Thank you for your words!

@Anna10 You’re a fighter too :slight_smile:

@Sharp Thank youu :heart:

@BlueFlame No, thank you, for that :slight_smile:

@HuckFinn Huggss!

@77nick77 Thank you, that’s what I’m hoping!


You’re a good example and an inspiration for me. It’s been 92 days that I have been sober.


Thank you! And congratulations crimby, I know it’s not easy at all, and you’re doing it! It’s a great achievement!

Im glad you found ways to recover min min. i send you good luck across the ocean :smile:

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Stick with it @crimby. When you quit drinking it won’t solve all your problems but it will eliminate a big one.



I’m glad you were able to reconnect with your family.

That was a very inspiring post.

You’ve come a long way

Congratulations and hope things keep getting better


Thank you J :slight_smile:

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I couldn’t believe your story Minnii, you’ve been through a lot and it’s brilliant the way you have turned your life around. It gives me hope for my son who has had sz for almost 7 years. He’s not the same as before the illness, but I keep loving and your have inspired me to keep trying, I hope you have (had) a wonderful trip to Amsterdam. Keep strong. :smile:

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Aw, thank you! Hope your son recovers well. The trip was very good, thank you!

You are such an inspiration.

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You’re so god dam sexy