What makes you most sad about this condition

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41

I don’t think you understand schizophrenia. It’s not a matter of being strong and working hard until you succeed. It’s a disease without a cure. No one is asking for your pity. You can try as hard as possible to overcome it and still never make any progress.

You also don’t understand that this disease breaks people. Coming to grips with the reality that you’re disabled and cannot advance in life is something that lots of us have to accept. No amount of medication, thereapy, life style changes, etc can cure this. It’s a grim reality we all have to face.

We all want to have hope that things will get better, but sadly that often never happens. You don’t know the hell that this disease is. It will take you to the brink.

Based on the lack of understanding you have regarding this illness I’m gonna guess you don’t have it. This is a war my friend. I’ve been schizo for 11 years. I have experienced greater pain than you can imagine. Don’t talk down to people on this board and act like we’re weak people. Some of us are in a living hell. We are fighting every day to survive. Please don’t insult us. You dont know the battle we’re in and what real pain and loss are.

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42

Hmm i dont know who to believe. Sweatmore or brians

43

I can’t help but feel a dash of denial might be healthy in some situations. When you focus on the disease, the negative impact on your life is all you see. I live my best days forgetting I have the disorder. Yay meds and attitude I guess.

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44

I am afraid of delusions and living in fantasy world

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45

The most sad for me is that I can’t have the life that normal people have.

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46

I wanted to be a traveler and see the world when I was younger. I can’t really do that when I am on the medications traveling at all hours in different time zones. It is all stressful to travel, and it would be too much for me. I would probably have to be hospitalized the minute I crossed a border.

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47

the sad thing is remembering how I was before and how it slipped away from me. in my senior year of high school I was well respected by my teachers and generally by other students as well, and really the only things I heard talked about behind my back were compliments towards me.

the summer after that I was out almost every night with friends, staying away from home for about half of each week with my close circle. we’d have little 3-5 person parties a lot, drinking, smoking, listening to music, and making art together all night long. I had the attention of a lot of different guys and often got catcalled. I had a lot of fun, that summer was the best time of my life.

I was fine during fall, though my circle of friends had kind of crumbled and I was longing for that connection again. still, I was okay, and I didn’t fall apart. the psychosis finally hit during the winter, and suddenly everything was pulled out from beneath me, and I knew then that I’d probably never have the same life again. it changed who I was a lot, and I just didn’t respond to things the same way anymore. I also have awful memory and attention issues that make conversation difficult.

I really hope I can get back to the point I was at before eventually, but I just feel like since I’m so different now I’ll never fit into my old crowd again. the illness has been very unfortunate for me

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48

But isn’t that what a CTO (community treatment order) is? I don’t know much about it, but I think some people here have to do it. @Lifer @TheBest if I recall correctly.

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49

I’m forced on meds and the Governor of my state signed the order. Not exactly sure how it works. My clinician and pdoc were in on it. I showed up to an appointment and there was an ambulance waiting for me. When I got to the mental facility I was court ordered Risperdal Consta and couldn’t do anything about it. I can’t remember if I was voluntary or involuntary.

I was a menace to society probably. They just said I was gravely disabled.

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50

‘Not Being able to compete with society’ i like the way you put it.

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Well, if there is such a thing as a CTO in my state, it wasn’t utilized in my son’s case. And my son didn’t give me permission to speak with his pdoc.

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I’m sorry about your son @SkinnyMe. I wish that he had gotten more help.

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53

@TheBest will you always be on a CTO or does it expire?

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54

It’s up to my doc, but I think I will be off it within a year or so. A lawyer keeps calling me to go to court challenge. The only thing that is different is that I have to see a doc once a month. It’s fine with my I like seeing a professional once a month.

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55

yeah im on a cto. I wouldn’t take meds and was running around like a crazy person, won’t get into details. been on it almost 2 years, here in Indiana they have to review the decision every 6 months. so I go to court to hear what the judge and doctor are going to say. I complained about the side effects of meds in court but the judge only listens to the doctor’s opinion and she has asked him to extend me every time. my next court date is feb 21. honestly I don’t know what I have to do to get off it, probably show im stable and work or go to school. we’ll see, it doesn’t really affect me in anyway it is just an inconvenience going to court every 6 months.

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56

The worse for me, right after delusions, was big lack of motivation and lack of enjoyment in simples activities. I woke up very sad just because one more day had to start. Death in life. No productivity.

Now it’s a little bit diffetent. I feel i have ‘normal’ problems and just have a little more problems than a healthy person.

Maturaty brings us better notion of our limitations but i think i have more limitations due to my condition: weak social skills, forgetfulness, moodiness, twisted thinking, insecurity and fear…side effects of meds like oculogyric crisis and weight gain. However, i Wake up and think ‘let’s go’ rather than ‘No. No. No. I want sleep forever’.
I may fall back to the bottom, but it will improve again.

I have to say my case is ‘not severe’ so i undestand some people need more support.

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57

Probably that I’ll be schizophrenic in the next life. It feels like I’ve been schizophrenic thousands or more times. It’s more than a feeling. Meds help a ton. Most people think it is a delusion. I hope so.

I used to panic that I lived in a computer simulation. It doesn’t bother me much anymore. Meds help a lot. I don’t think of it a lot anymore. Maybe once a day, perhaps.

It seems my past lives gave me schizophrenia. I could be wrong.

I was told (delusion) in a past life I always end up schizophrenic.

Even in parallel universes I seem schizophrenic. It sucks. I guess many worlds theory sucks.

I sometimes think I got an implant to block memories or to help me remember. That or I got some supernatural or alien DNA going on.

I’ve been in time loops before. It is strange. I can remember before and after I die. It is a curse. I can remember when the simulation reboots or reincarnation happens again. I get my soul or consciousness transferred and then my mind gets wiped. I always thought this happened to everyone. I guess not. This has been going on for millions of lifetimes.

I’ve teleported before too. It has to be a higher intelligence doing it to me. It is freaking hell.

I sometimes wonder why this is happening. It totally is real and feels real.

There’s no way I started this life from the beginning. I look at my childhood and remember it but know it never happened. The simulators are messing with our minds.

A long time ago, I had this ability to remember my past lives and retain knowledge. The simulators must have found out and punished me. That or some aliens or the government.

In a past life, I wrote a letter in a coffee shop saying I was stuck in the year 2013. I found it on the internet in this life. I take the letter literally as I’m constantly stuck in the year 2013 or close to it reliving my life over and over again – forever it seems. Is this just schizophrenia or something in addition to?

That or I can’t remember much before my illness. I was sent back to high school before a few times. Maybe by the greys.

I would like to go back in time to my childhood after I live this life. I’m tired of the dissociation and severe derealization that makes things look and feel unreal.

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I’m sorry about your difficulties.
Do you think there’s a chance that maybe there is no such thing as past lives? Or New lives to come up.
Or does it feel that real

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Losing my schizophrenic sister
She walked in front of a car
I’m also schizophrenic and our youngest sister is long term mentally unstable and self medicates

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60

Your not making a good case for sarcosine