I wonder why this happened to me. And looking back on my life, I have the illness as part of my identity.
The thoughts and delusions were encrypted on my mind since I was young and it just got worse by day until it ruined my life for good.
Now I only have to accept my life, my condition and continue with the daily struggle and find the simple joys. Because really that is what I do every day. I practice being happy, being positive, being grateful. It is a practice for me like a chore to do these things like an actress.
I think you’d still be positive even if you didn’t practice it. Like you enjoy socialising, for instance. You find pleasure in little things. I think you’re being too hard on yourself. You’re naturally positive I think.
But this disease can drag you down if you let it too.
For a woman in acting… which is widely viewed as a man’s game yet more gender closeness daily, it is a discipline of temperament. Here is the thing, you choose how you want to act men choose what they act upon. We are equals in that we complete each other. So act right, and be right. Not just because you are a woman. And your inner thoughts in writing show then kindness in your heart, not only the madness… And the good I see in you is this, your blood boils at injustices in this world because as a woman you can hardly speak of them, the tears are heavenly and they soothe this burning heart.
I used to be such an optimistic person. Years of suffering has just worn me down. I do still try but I don’t have the same naivety.
I think I am happiest when I don’t think and just live. Unfortunately life at times requires some thought.