To be a published author
Something with math although I donāt do anything right now. My mind feels shut off, but Iām sort of glad that I saved my self the embarassment of not doing investment banking or trying. Great money and eventually going into private equity or hedge fund work, but Iām more of an equations or math guy but was never that good enough to win medals in a tournament or competition and was never good enough to be an actuary, quant, or phd holder. I couldnāt even finish a BA degree in math mainly because the schizophrenia developed my senior year and it was pretty severe and Iām still not recovered. In some ways my symptoms tanked and worsened but in other areas Iām doing better. No panic attacks or anxiety anymore. Iām content and happy.
I never took a marketing class, but I cannot even do simple creative ā ā ā ā anymore I would probably flunk out of drop out of a marketing class. I cannot sell ā ā ā ā . I cannot manage people. I cannot do anything.
If things were different I should have joined the navy and did nuke school but that probably wouldnāt have worked out because I feel stupid too in hindsight, I was childish, and I have the genetics of schizoaffective disorder I guess.
Iāve been watching navy videos and I once was interested in navy ocs in college but it never worked out. I had a good work ethic and good endurance so you never knowā¦
Maybe Iāll tutor on the side for extra dough. Maybe Iāll be a college professor some day at a low to mid tier university I donāt know. It all depends if the āpowers that beā let me. They ruined my life.
When I was younger I wanted to open a funky coffeehouse and bookstore, where Iād play Miles Davis and talk to people all day.
It still sounds pretty good to me.
I had my dream life before I got sick. Helicopter pilot. Wanted to be an astronaut but I wasnāt smart or good enough for that but flying helicopters was pretty cool. I even flew in combat.
Now I want to buy a franchise delivering healthy and fresh pet food. I have to get approved for a loan though. I donāt have a hundred grand lying around.
My credit score went up 18 points today so making progress.
I want my book to be discovered and I can have movie offers over the phoneā¦hahahaā¦dreamerā¦silly little dreeeeamerā¦oh but I do dream.
I wanted to be a famous music producer but my songs were mediocre at best and then I got sz
My dream job is a Dr. I had very high grades but not in practical courses. Sz makes the brain cognition unbalanced, very high in some areas while very weak in others.
My practical intelligence took the biggest hit by sz.
Practical like physiotherapy labs, emergency care, creating complex exercise training programs etc I had some Aās like in physiology and biomechanics but I needed Aās in all my courses. I still got my degree in kinesiology though.
I donāt want a career in my dream life, I just want to lounge around and enjoy life now. I would like to live in a hotel with a casino and spend my days swimming and playing and going to restaurants. Basically I want to be on vacation for the rest of my life.
I think either being a chef in a small but high end restaurant or a successful travel photographer would have been nice. That being said, Iām pretty happy with what Iāve been granted. Married to a wonderful woman and raised a great kid. Manage to make it through most months and still have some money left. Life is pretty good.
At least you got that damn degree. It means something. I never went back. I tried one time but I just kept getting progressively worse. I have a severe case like yours I think but you did it. I think my school put me in some mind control mk ultra type thing and so Iāll never go back and always feared it. I think thatās part of the problem. If that never happened to me, I might not even be schizophrenic and would have made a full recovery in my opinion. ā ā ā ā it. I have the memories. But my cards were dealt.
I have enough money and people go to war over money so I donāt want any money. My gut instinct says to drop it and the amount of money I could theoretically get would be in the millions but I donāt care. I rather just live in peace and be happy.
Honestly, Iām more pissed off at the stupid treatment I got at the mental hospital because I remember it better and it felt worse. Thereās nothing worse than being treated and being told youāre mentally ill and nothing happened when thatās the farthest thing from the truth. Itās seriously medical malpractice, hippocratic oath violation, and munchaussen by proxy. Thatās my opinion and thatās how I feel. I told them everything and Iāve said everything and more (possibly too much) on these forums over the years.
Maybe it was solely or 100% aliens but Iām not buying it right now. I heard other peopleās stories and I have memories. Maybe itās 50-50 half alien and half human project. I donāt know. My story isnāt straight and some experiencerās testimony I watched on gaia tv would put me into the Reptilian category of things. I believe and have met several reptilians and might have anunnaki or alien dna myself. I donāt care what people say.
Yea but I canāt do anything with it, I canāt work or even volunteer. I stay in bed all day. My intelligence is all wasted. Sz caused me several problems including aggressivity. I can lower my meds dosage to improve my negative symptoms but then I get more aggressive causing problems for others and myself. Idk how I will be on Vraylar, I think I will be aggressive just like on Abilify but not sure. I will still try it.
Did you ever have anger and aggressivity issues? With or without meds.
I have less aggression and anger on meds including Vraylar. Iām pretty calm and relaxed.
What meds did you try? Which ones were the best to reduce aggression?
Iād like to be a porn star.
I found that strong sedating meds like Risperdal reduced my aggression the most but they cause more negative symptoms.
Agreed. I wanted one, but circumstances always conspired against me. Now itās too late in the game, methinks. Iād never recover the investment.
Tried a lot. Canāt recall all of them. Abilify caused addictions but it wasnāt that bad.
I can only recommend Vraylar.
Thanks, I will try it once its out, hopefully it works.
Have you tried Latuda? I donāt know. It didnāt work for me. Same thing with Caplyta. They should help with negatives, right?