What is wrong with me?

DX'd - Other
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I have been thinking about something I did in my past in childhood and teens - I was cruel to small animals like mice and fish. I killed a mouse my cat caught and abused my goldfish once

Fast forward to the present and I have these weird urges when I see certain animals that I want to kill them if I get hold of them. Mice, rats, squirrels - small furry things.

Only exception is birds - I never think sadistic thoughts about killing them.

I think small furry things are so cute and adorable but at same time I have this strong urge to kill them…

Why is that? Is it part of my mental illness or have I just got a cruel streak in me? I’m so ashamed of myself. I’m not normally a cruel person.

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Ä° don t think you are cruel person.you are really kind and empathetic person.

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Children have undeveloped empathic faculties.

Also, there’s a phenomenon called “cute aggression” that makes you want to squish cute creatures, possibly to the point of harm.

I get that with cats, especially when coupled with hypomania.

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