What is the best way to deal with a very nice guy turning nasty?

We got married in 2010 and around the last few months it’s like the gloves have come off.

he’s being a real downer. I am either all sunshine or working too hard on my laptop… not listening or not always being respectful (all my worst crimes and yes i know that is bad enough)

But he has turned into his thug father. Domineering, criticising, bad mood, complaining, isolates himself from the world - so he never has anything to talk about - he just goes to work and back
complaining about where we live and that the garden is too much or that it’s in a bigger city 1 - 2 hours twice on a 4 day break.

I don’t know what he expects but with all the things i cook from scratch i don’t get a comment unless it’s a sausage which is new from the shop (!)

That’s not cooking

Vent here is that he has very little to say and when he does talk it’s a criticism about me eating food or me being irritating talking when the tv is or some fault with the housework,
my mum once cleaned the house for 2 days with my sister (they stayed at mine) when we went away (and i’m not the most amazing housekeeper) and he immediately just goes ‘there’s a bulb gone in here’ I get that treatment with literally everything he fault finds
and criticises if i leave things in a mess

maybe it’s because my jeuvenille sexy feelings have all gone away or maybe this happens in a marriage a bit, but god i could really snap if i don’t figure out the best ways to respond in a crisis moment like ‘why can’t you just shut up’ he says and i just laugh and keep watching tv.

i say fukc off to him when i’m laughing - it’s an appreciation of his humour. he thinks it’s okay to call me irritating and stuff just when i’m sitting there watching tv and he makes me nervous to even walk around him for fear of getting criticism about being restless

Rant about half over

Thanks guys?

1 Like

i think respect is the alpha and omega in a relationship, especially a serious one. he should always tell you every little things he finds attractive in you and the things he likes which you do for him. just as you should tell him what you like about him no matter how small the issue is. feedback is very important, when its heartfelt. if you take everything for granted then the relationship becomes like work and you do it all just to get something out of it. and that is bad. take care.

also: how is this schizophrenia related? are you sz or is he sz?


Sorry should i just grow up or something ?

I’m a bit lost here - I feel like I need to get some impartial advice is all…

talk to him

i feel like a nag or something - if he’s not being great it upsets him if he’s all happy for a minute that doesn’t seem to be a good time either

don’t know how to get him to express all this bad mood but not at me

i want him to complain about work and come to me for comfort not attack me the second he gets in the door

he probably feels at home like he feels at work: stressed out

1 Like

I’m schizophrenic - in some kind of sanity or remission 10 years

It doesn’t sound pleasant, Chrystal, especially if it’s out of nowhere.

I’d ask him what’s up. How work is going, what’s going on in his life. Maybe if he can talk openly about what’s bothering him, that would help.

I don’t think you’re overreacting. I’d hold back on being confrontational about it, though, until you see if you can figure out the problem more gently. If he doesn’t respond to that and continues treating you poorly, though, then let him know he’s hurting you.


Ok I think that you should either leave him for being a grumpy verbally and emotionally abusive dick.
Or insist on councelling both for you and him and marriage counclling.

1 Like

Does this sound all that bad to you Dan?
I’m surprised
I went to the local marriage guided counselling and she said we
Are too complicated

His behavior is not okay and shouldn’t be excused, but I am always a fan of openly communicating. He might have something really troubling him. You should let him know that the things he says genuinely hurt you, because it sounds like he may think it’s all just harmless jokes.


thanks for this angle.

I’ve always sworn a lot from early ish but he has only learned to say the very occasional mild swear appropriately… with a lot of help from me

I’ve always said ■■■■ off when people really make me laugh a bit like Dexter’s sister in Dexter…

so maybe he has not been told when it’s okay to swear and when it’s rude. by me - the etiquette expert

Criticising and controlling behaviour especially about commenting on what your eating.
Id find another councllor if I was you.

Hmm ,

Counts Lore … ,

Hmm (???)

Spelling mistake what do you want blood?

e(Y)e Already Have Blood … ,

Yep Yep … … …