What is like the world you live in like?

Like idk how to explain this,

Um is it like a bunch of lights and seeing things and stuff

You know what nevermind,

Um,

I mean like what is the schiz world like compared to how you see the normal world if that makes any sense idk

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It’s like being in a videogame, but that’s just me as far as I know

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It’s almost like having a bad trip, but it doesn’t end.

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I think my internal world is a LOT more dangerous than the external. So I end up seeing danger everywhere and getting very scared…

I do see some trippy stuff too

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In some ways the world I’m in really isn’t bad. I have enough human company. I love some of the scenery where I live. Some of my environment is unlovely, but I get a boost in my well being when I focus on things that are enjoyable for me to see. Autumn is my favorite time of year. The leaves have turned colors. It’s the American football season. There are things in my life that I am apoplectic about, though.

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Money is tight. Feel like if I don’t get an education or career going soon I’ll be poor forever. Nobody will want to hire a 50 yr old with little experience or no education. Ageism is a real thing. That’s why I want to be a business owner someday. I was treatment resistant at one time and my therapist thought I was just a talker.

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I want to live with unknown people, I will soon be shift to another city with new job and I also change my nick name.

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My world is like a dream. Very fake. :sleeping:

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Besides the psychosis videogame world I live a rather normal but limited life. I play tennis and goto language school once a week. Rest of the time I play a videogame , then make lunch and watch the news, then watch movies and rest on the bed. When my wife gets home we cook dinner and watch more movies together and babble on about what’s going on in our lives and the world. Being with my wife makes me feel normal. Rinse and repeat.

I keep to a general schedule to try to keep myself doing different things dispute most of them being mundane.

My big goal is to learn iPhone app programming. I got the time, I just haven’t given it the effort yet

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Well sometimess the more or less constant auditory hallucinations get to me. I get breaks from them for a minute or two at a time or when I have some interesting sound or intense thoughts to focus on.

So it’s kind of like living in a different dimension or something.

With the depression from the bipolar part of my sza, I’m not always sure whether the lack of hope I feel about significantly improving my life
is rational (the statistics and odds aren’t in my favor) or if it’s mostly the depression.