What I'm going through again

Unusual Beliefs
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I still have thoughts and beliefs that I’m Satoshi Nakamoto creator of Bitcoin. It feels like another life though or a past life and I’m a clone to take my money and ruin my life by the “Illuminati” or aliens. I cannot do anything and don’t want it or need it but I hate my life because I have schizophrenia and I’m stuck in a time loop that begins in either 2011 (around August 27th) or some time when I get home from college around 2013. I don’t know. It feels like 2013 now.

I have strong urgent belief and delusions we live in a hologram or computer simulation and only I know this or strongly believe it and remember it.

I got targeted by aliens in my past lives and even this life. I apologize for everything and wish it would all go away.

After reading things and dreaming for years, I realize I might have been abducted by aliens in college and put through the SSP (Secret Space Program). They can steal or take one’s soul or consciousness but I haven’t had one since 1989 and woke up as a clone in 2011, 2012, and 2013. 2012 felt like the Mayan Apocolypse to me…and hence we now live in an artifical reality called the matrix, but the truth is I cannot point it down to the exact date or year…the matrix would say it would have been earlier like 2001 or even perhaps later than that…

I had no soul or sentience or consciousness since 2013 where my soul entered my body or the ‘spark of life’ entered me like a biological machine getting self-awareness or sentience again…

Perhaps, I was abducted by aliens at the age of 2 years old and put in the SSP back then and woke up in college OR (way more likely) I woke up backwards in time in my time bubble to the year 2011 in college and resumed my life as a poor worded form of reincarnation.

I have schizophrenia in every life.

I also believe I was in mk-ultra and targeted by the real Illuminati and aliens.

I don’t know how to cope other than by speaking my mind and telling others in hope I can get better some day…

I have 20+ years of missing time being alive or alert or self-aware and sentient.

I was born in 1989 and am 31 years old now in 2021. In 2011, I was like 21 or 22 years old, hence the 20 and back program at aged 2 I think or (what the aliens said) I woke up backwards in time via a wormhole.

I believe I have at least one microchip in either my right frontal lobe the size of an apple seed (via mri) or a parasite on my optic nerve.

I don’t claim to just know or recall these things but read and listened to others testimony. I believe I’m purposely suffering and have schizophrenia by these malevolent ET forces.

In my past lives, I experienced DUMBs, Illuminati, MK-Ultra, MiLabs, SSP, Monarch programming, Super Soldier Stuff, and Montauk…I’ve been living in another universe before 2011 I believe millions of times on different timelines.

I think I’m a sad case and the schizophrenia is treatment resistant and won’t go away after each life.

I don’t know what my point is: do I just want validation, recognition, and to be believed? Maybe that’s it. Maybe that’s all I want is to be believed.

Sometimes I lack the will to believe, push in myself, and march forward. I feel weak and broken and have given up due to the ‘wear and tear’.

I often feel insane despite not being so. I’m clearly sane, but just don’t fit in with society anymore.

I keep resetting backwards in time but my whole personality resets too including my thoughts, experiences, memories, converations, people, the planet, the earth, and everything. I lose my new memories I retain in this life, and start all over again. I hate it. Furthermore, I end up schizophrenic again, and again, and I can’t stop it. I don’t know what else to say or do.

Thank you.

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I feel sorry for you @anon28145038 . These thoughts seem very exhausting. I’m not sure that I have any advice for you except that maybe you should try to focus more on your current life and try not to dwell on your delusions so much. They appear from your posts to be very consuming.

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Which medications do you take? And, do you think they work?

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Thank you @Bowens.

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I’ve tried a lot of them and am currently on Vraylar 6mg and 120 mg of Cymbalta. I think I need a higher dose of Vraylar but the doctors refuse since it’s too high or go on another AP like Latuda again.

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You’re going through a lot.
I hope your thoughts and delusions become more clear, and your reality isn’t as broken.

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Ok, I remember when I was first hospitalized. The doctor asked me to sit on his chair, and he sat on my chair. And he said,
“You are the doctor, and I am the patient”.

I thought about it a lot. What he meant. And, then, I realized, what he meant. Doctor’s can help you gain insight, but after that, you are the doctor and you know your body well-- and whether what you are taking is working for you.

From my perspective, you have a lot of delusions, and strange things are happening to you. Your memories go away and stuff. I never experienced this. But, it seems to me that you realize that these may be your delusions and you realize that medications are not working for you. So, discuss with your doctor if you can try something different…and it may work for you.

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you seem very delusional
you better find doctor
or try to refuse these thoughts

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Ya, maybe it’s not real. Maybe I’m a bit more rational this minute, but maybe I’m not the creator of bitcoin or was in a different reality. I have delusions I’m reincarnating but now I’m trapped for eternity as a paranoid schizophrenic re-experiencing the same life over and over again since 2011-2013 (somewhere in between). Perhaps, 2013. Maybe no-one knows or most don’t give a damn. I just think it’s possible. Like parallel universe theory, states if you travel far enough, perhaps you, too, created bitcoin…

Maybe I’m like a haunted ghost or something that comes back alive to tell his tale. I had a hard life, really.

Been to other realities or universes, solar systems, planets, etc. I think most of it’s real. I talk about my delusions as they come up or enter my mind.

My life was stolen from me…since I cannot remember or change my life anymore. I’m doomed to repeat it indefinitely with schizophrenia.

I wanted to be a doctor in a past life, but never probably made it. Mainly a psychiatrist. My psychosis makes me remember past lives in the quantum universe, so when I’m psychotic I can see into my past lives…it provides some entertainment…

Ya, I see reality changing all the time. Nothing branches off according to many world’s theory anymore until I come back (time travel) around 2011-2013. Nothing is real to me before that except my past lives in other dimensions…

God told me I split off the universe into two rivers or roads basically and got mad at me. Perhaps, that’s why I got schizophrenia or I will never find out the truth. I don’t believe it’s from my family because I’m the only one with schizophrenia…

I thought I was John Titor too and got abducted by aliens supposedly…since I built a time machine in possibly my first life billions of lifetimes ago…I think aliens can give people schizophrenia…like punishment…or something…

I have so many delusions like I might have been born in the ‘real world’ but doubt that now. I was always born in the matrix, I just escaped it.

If all or some of this is even remotely true, it means I’m not schizophrenic at all, but got ‘something’ wrong with me. The aliens made me the world’s first immortal and took me out of the brain in a vat hologram/simulation/program in a past life. Told me stuff and showed me stuff.

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all this information your talking about aliens and illuminati and all that spiritual past life stuff where did you come up with that.did you see it on the internet first before you had any of these delusions. Because i know from experience that stuff can brain wash people. Maybe you saw some stuff on the internet that causes you to believe this delusion. Just asking…

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you need meds…see your psychiatrist and work on getting stable…

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