I don’t think suicide is really a thing, the way most people seem to think of it. When I feel suicidal, I am losing control of my thoughts. Some thoughts control actions, so you lose control of your thoughts, and you can lose control of your actions. It’s not really like a premeditated, “I’m gonna hurt a bunch of people by defying my most basic instinct.” It’s something that happens to me. So far I’ve always been lucky in that I either failed or got help in time.
That’s my experience too, lack of control. But there’s also premeditated sucidies, and suicidal people that want to die. Why that is should be discussed, aliviated.
I think about my own death a lot, like people woulnd’t miss me, and that they most likely think it would be suicide. But I’m not suicidal right now, those thoughts just cross my mind every now and then.
I think about my own death and suicide a bit too. But I wouldn’t say I am depressed. Is it possible to be suicidal without being depressed?
I think so, I’m sorry that happens to you
I just view those people as people who put up an impressively long fight while no form of help was working. When it strikes me I usually have about half an hour at most to pull some unhealthy desperate measure to get myself refocused. For me it’s not insidious, but rather like a sudden and severe ambush, and I have to throw down right then and there. But for some people, it seems that it IS an insidious attack, wearing down on them for long periods of time. I don’t see it as different at its core, just less IN YOUR FACE and thus maybe even much harder to defeat or even notice.
I’m sorry it happens to you too Minnii. It’s very graphic when it happens. I get a vision or an image of me dead by my own hand. It can be distressing.
A good name is better than good oil, and the day of death is better than the day of birth. Better to go to the house of mourning than to the house of feasting, for that is the end of every man, and the living should take it to heart.
You remind me of the Ecclesiastes 7:1-2.
Hope you never actually do it.
I think my suicidal days are behind me, but it’s one of my biggest fears, to lose control again and just do it.
@Turnip I get what your saying, but I don’t think it’s always a matter of lack of control. Sometimes is too much control, wanting to even control it’s own death. But also, hope you never lose control over that again, you don’t sound at all like a person who gives up.
I have a hard time understanding that, but of course yield to the fact that it may still be true none the less.
It’s also possible to be so accustomed to being depressed that you don’t realize that you are.
I’ve attempted but never wanted to die. Maybe I did? Don’t understand it. It is like I fall into this delusion during a harsh mood swing for a few hours. I get informed by voices and things around me that I must die to restore some “balance.” I’ve done very destructive things trying to restore the balance. Once it happened in public and began rambling to some girl I don’t really know about how she needs to kill me to fix the world. Some ■■■■ like that. She didn’t talk to me for like 4 weeks after that…I can see why
last time I talked about suicide with a ‘healthy’ person they told me people who try to commit suicide are just trying to get people to notice them. The only suicides that are by people who really want to die are the ones who shoot themselves in the head.
Which is bull, because I have tried to kill myself three times. Once by starvation (I thought I deserved to suffer) once by cutting my arm from elbow to wrist (my dogs stopped me before I even started cutting) and once by jumping off a bridge into a river, over a hydro-electric dam, after three weeks of solid rain.
That last one failed because a boy scout, a freaking tenderfoot boy scout who was like 13 years old to my 23, jumped in after me and managed to pull me to shore. I have to say, at that time I hated boy scouts so much. This was after my late GF ‘called me’ on my cell phone (she had been dead almost two years by then) I had just lot my step dads mom, my dog had been diagnosed with what may or may not have been cancer (turned out to not be cancer) and my mom had told me she was admitting me to a hospital for the next three months. (which didn’t happen I only spent two months in). That last one I wanted to die and make it look like an accident, I got so incredibly drunk for that, so that they would think I got drunk and just fell over the rail.