What if i was a bad person, i cant forgive still many things to me

Ok, i find, that i am definitely changing… I pay efforts too, many of them…
Yes, my pdoc said briefly, that now my issues are psychological, but i am left sick still…
The truth is that i had bad feelings before for some people… bad thoughts too etc… i never acted on them, no way, i wanted to change this, but ive spent many years like that :frowning:
well, i couldnt express, i couldnt even talk almost, etc etc…
Ive said it many times here, my father was beating my mom and my sister… He was a commie agent too, a beaten kid himself as well, but i guess i lacked totally of an emotional life around him… I even couldnt talk pals around my friends…
So later, i got filled with bad feelings, anger, even hate, jealousy etc… Till now, i guess i never felt well either…
My ill friends dont have remorses, they didnt have this father of mine… Tbh, my mom says now, that my father wasnt a monster though, she even cries for him and its true, that he had love for us… The problem is that between that, there was his terror and the beatings and a total isolation of the world around…
My mom says, that my illness is genetic, but my online bf says, that i am like that because of my dad… He even says, that i have a stockholm syndrome lol…
I still hope, that i wont be confused on my dad one day, but now i have to frogive to myself everyday some of my shyt :frowning:
No one likes the commies anymore here in my country, while maybe my dad made some really bad things…
anyway…
i just wonder who here had remorses too… I just feel as a bad person because i am the heritage of this father… I am not even sure, that even my family likes me now…

My dad wasn’t the best but I forgive him for all he ever did. I forgive everybody mostly because I don’t want them staying rent free in my mind and it hurts me to hold grudges. I don’t consider myself a bad person but I don’t necessarily think I’m good either. I’m human and that’s all that matters. We are all human at the end of the day.

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