Does it make you catatonic?
I can’t answer because I don’t know much about what dissociation means. Is it losing track of connections and of reality?
I don’t think I have ever been catatonic.
When it gets bad I feel like I’m in another world, I move, act and process things very slowly…
I feel like a robot in autopilot.
are you having a hard time?
Yes I am. I have a meeting with my care team next Friday. I don’t know how to approach how I’m feeling. It’s a juggling act between disclosing everyone and making them worried to just pretending everything is okay and breaking down mentally in the near future.
Is there a reason why you wouldn’t want to be forthright? Other than making them worry
I don’t want my group home manager to be worried, she hides the knifes when I talk about microchips and this makes my housemates worried.
Oh, I see. Is she maybe right to hide the knives? Or are you safe? I have to have my meds locked up, actually everything in the house is locked up. My people just want me safe. Sometimes I’m not safe, it’s sad it has to be that way but it is what it is.
Yeah. When it’s real bad I pretty much can’t move from my bed. I’ve had it so severe I couldn’t even tell where I was in the room if I closed my eyes, I had no sense of self at all. Overall it can get pretty weird.
I usually zone out and find existence odd. I get random moments where I just forget that I’m human or find normal things like using stairs weird as ■■■■.
One of my worst dissociation moments was when I was in university, giving a presentation on human trafficking. I stopped being in control of my words and body… I could hear myself talking and see myself seeing… Like I was in my head, watching a movie where my eyes were the screen and my ears were the speakers…
I just had this moment where I realised that everyone in the room was totally enraptured with what I was saying and how I was saying it, and I realised that I could say literally anything and have them agree… and it was like something inside me broke and I just started rambling (lot’s of conjunctions) but everyone was hanging on my every word like I was sharing with them some incredibly profound revelation… it was a very exhilarating moment…
When I get dissociation it gives me panic attack and I do feel the urge to get catatonic yes.
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